Having a sense of humour about when things do not go as planned is generally one of my instinctual responses in life.
Dealing with loss and feeling like you’re failing is part of being a special needs parent.
In the last few weeks, it’s been harder to find levity during the challenging moments.
We’ve been having very challenging days with T at home and school.
It’s beyond the usual hyperactivity, difficulty focusing; it’s escalated to refusing to do his work, disrupting class, and even talking back to teachers.
Learning to deal with moments that don’t go as planned is part of life. I think everyone can benefit from failure. It gives you perspective.
But as a special needs parent, that feeling occurs quite often.
Not because it’s the child’s fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault. But in the hardest moments, it can feel like you’re failing your child.
But really, it’s about the fact that this world and its structures, norms and expectations disadvantage neurodiverse people.
Earlier this week, my mind randomly recalled this wonderful acceptance speech Halle Berry made when she won the Razzie Award.
I’m using the word “won” very loosely here, because a Razzie is the antithesis of the Oscars, given out to the worst in movies.
In 2004, two years after her historic Oscar win, Halle Berry won Worst Actress for Catwoman.
Instead of pretending this never happened, she did what no other recipient in Razzie history had done; she actually showed up to accept it.
Needless to say, the small crowd of film lovers – the Razzie voting body – went wild.
Berry’s clever and tongue-in-cheek speech was a hilarious masterclass of how to turn a shitty moment on its head, have a laugh at the absurdity of life, and leave with your head held high.
I had such a laugh watching this clip again and it made me feel better. Laughter really is the best medicine.
We’re still in the trenches with T, but we’re showing up to try to turn these Razzie moments around.
The hubby and I had a perfectly-timed call scheduled yesterday with T’s behaviour therapist – we meet every few months.
We also consulted with his developmental pediatrician and are adjusting his medication.
We’re continuing to strategize with his CYW.
I’m not sure how the next few weeks will unfold but I am reminding myself that we will get through this. Focus on the big picture.
I did a rare school drop off yesterday morning and T requested Britney Spears’ “Oops, I Did It Again” to play in the car.
I chuckled, because it could not have been a more perfect song choice to describe T at times.
And that unexpected moment of laughter was a great pick-me-up.
Sorry to hear you’ve been in difficulties. Makes me all the more appreciative that you’ve shared this.
Stay safe,
Shira
Thank you, Shira! 🙏
Most welcome.
Ha ha … never heard that speech before … good for her. What a great way to show that we can sometimes turn our potentially darkest moments or mistakes into something funny or just turn the perspective. I hope the next couple weeks are fairly good for you and your family. Tough time of year for many with the excitement and change in routine. 💗
Thanks Yvonne. I love this speech and I revisit it every few years and get a different take on it – this time, viewed through the eyes of a parent.
It definitely is a challenging time of the year. Our little one is starting to go off the charts with his excitement for the holidays. Just gotta get through this week of school then a much needed break for all! 🙏
Take good care to you and your daughter!
Sorry to hear that the past few weeks have had some challenging moments, but I love how you are able to stay positive and optimistic. I got a good laugh about the Razzie awards. Laughter really is the best medicine. And hey, at least T has good taste in music!
Thanks Linda. It’s been a pretty trying few weeks for sure. Christmas break is around the corner and hopefully that provides us with some reset at least!
Are you taking time off over the holidays?
I’m not sure how much time I’ll take off over the holidays yet. Maybe a couple of days. I find work is usually quiet anyway. What about you?
Thank you for sharing the Razzie acceptance video of Halle Berry. Now, that’s a Person that is a true Winner in Life. Strong, confident , able to turn a negative situation into a hilarious, inspiring jaw dropping motivational moment that is unforgettable. I agree, laughter is the best medicine. It helps us through our worst and make challenges easier. Awesome post. Thank you.
Thank you! I also see a lot of these same qualities in your life experiences as shared through your writing. A good sense of humour and perspective get us through the challenging moments. 🙏 Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend. This one seemed to just flown by!
LOL! Just listened to Hally’s speech! And you wove it perfectly into your blog. Mitch and I always say you need to have humor – Keep writing, Keep Laughing, Keep sharing!
Glad you liked it, Vickie. 7 years later, Sandra Bullock won the Razzie and she also showed up and gave an equally witty and classy dignified speech.
Here you go if you want a laugh: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ghS98BKy29Q
In Sandra’s case, she also won an Oscar for Best Actress (for another film) that exact same weekend. So it really puts wins and losses in life into perspective. 😊
Take care!
Your writing captures so many layers of emotion. And I like how it’s juxtaposed with the adorable photos of T enjoying nature.
I hope that these school challenges ease up and even if they continue, that in the hardest moments you won’t ever feel like you’re failing T. Because you’re not!! 🥺
Thanks Lizi. I know we’re not failing him but in the most challenging moments, for sure, it can feel like that. And I know this is a common feeling felt across those that care for kids with special needs. But we get through these moments eventually and with humour in place.
Take care.
One might even say those unavoidable feelings of doubt are a sure sign you are doing the right thing, because it’s the proof of how deeply you care.
Also I just watched the Halle Berry speech — she is hilarious!! Inspiration on how to handle setbacks.
I so admire Halle Berry as I do you. No matter how tough it gets you tend to find the good in the bad situation or try to accept it and move on. You never seem to give up even though that would be the easy way out. I hope someday T realizes how lucky he is to be adopted by both of you.
Thank you, Diane! 😊 All we can do is just keep moving forward and focus on the many positives even when the negatives seem to outweigh them during a particular moment. Having a good laugh – and delicious food and recipes – certainly helps along the way! 🙂
It sounds like a challenging time. I am sorry you have to go through this and so glad you can. T is a very fortunate boy to have found you Ab❤
Thanks LaDonna. It has been a very trying period for sure. But I know we’ll get through this current rough patch. We always do. This one just seems to be a lingering one. 😑😆 Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Oh my goodness, Ab, this post is brilliant. I’m so sorry these weeks have been hard. The perspective that you have pulled together for what you all are going through, in this post and finding this humor is simply amazing. Because you said it perfectly – you guys keep showing up and finding the ways to renew your energy so that you can do it again and again. That is hard work, it’s brilliant and I believe exactly what kids need to know they are supported and loved. Sending all my best and my gratitude for the inspiration you provide!
Thanks Wynne! It’s definitely been a challenging few weeks but having a humour helps put it all into perspective. 😊🙏
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Thanks Tammy!