My overall focus for the new year is health and wellbeing.
This extends to T, who moves to middle school this fall, the first step towards adolescence.
A parent’s worry never ends and mine is exacerbated by his FASD diagnosis.
Research shows that adolescents with FASD are at high risk of negative peer influence, impulsive behaviours and mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression.
I get triggered when incidents occur.
T is having a good year at school. But we’ve also had challenges, including the loss of his longstanding CYW (which I’ll detail in a later post).
The schoolyard is host to challenging interactions – some instigated towards T, some by him.
Before Christmas break, T was sent to the principal’s office for kicking a kid and when the principal spoke with him, T had negative self talk and said, “I have no friends, because I’m a jerk.”
These moments crush my heart as a parent. I allow myself to process the complex emotions. Then I focus on things I can control.
T has friends and peers enjoy playing with him. I’ve seen this myself and other adults have shared this.
But self esteem and self perception are inner conversations and battles that caregivers are often not privy to but should be attuned to.
Over Christmas break, I started to read sociologist Jonathan Haidt’s 2024 book, “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.”
Cheerful read, I know. 😂 But it’s a topic of interest and importance; personally as a caregiver and professionally in my work in AI and digital literacy.
Haidt argues that phone-based childhood – and access to social media and virtual elseworlds – has contributed to a rise in mental health issues in adolescence, including anxiety, depression and self harm.
He calls for four reforms that support a healthier childhood in the digital age:
- No smartphones before high school.
- No social media before 16.
- Phone free schools.
- Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence.
Mental wellbeing is a journey
I don’t make specific New Year’s resolutions, because it causes stress and pressure.
I do have broad goals and wishes for each year – and good health and wellbeing for my family is at the top of this year’s list.
I’m aware that wellbeing is a process – of consistency and practice, sorting through the noise and finding things that work for your context, and being gentle with oneself when you stumble.
One of the best decisions we made last year was removing tablet use from T – which has significantly reduced his moodiness and disregulation at home and in public.
This is consistent with Haidt’s findings.
As T enters adolescence, I know there’ll be increased pressure to give him a phone. It’s something we’re going to resist.
We maximize opportunities for physical activity and connection – like swim or soccer lessons, family hikes or playing together, one of T’s favourite pastime with me, his “Everest.”
As T gets older, we try and give more unstructured time – like biking by himself or leaving him to his own whims, device free, at home.
Before the holidays, T started to meet with a psychologist that works with neurodiverse children. She is FASD aware and her research focuses on children and social connection.
We did two sessions in December and will meet monthly moving forward.
She was referred by a trusted peer and I’m very thankful that my work benefits cover this service.
I let the psychologist know our priority is to help T build emotional resilience – as he enters and journeys through adolescence.
It’s too early to know whether this will take flight. If it’s one thing I know in this caregiver journey is that there will always be more questions than answers, but it’s important to keep seeking answers and to try and try again.
My Life With T 