Brittle and Faith

“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

This is an excerpt from Leonard Cohen’s song “Anthem” that I saw posted on Instagram.

After a year of best laid plans falling apart, we began 2022 by making something just to break it: peanut brittle, using this easy recipe from In Diane’s Kitchen.

2021 felt like a year of constant planning – creating Plans A, B, C… X, Y, Z – and re-planning when things went sideways.

The year felt hard, because kids like T thrive on routine and repeated shakeups such as the ping pong between in person and virtual schooling shattered hard-earned progress.

The last few weeks of 2021 felt exceptionally hard. In addition to T’s challenges at school, Ma’s health took an unexpected turn for the worse: muscle disease.

Ma’s condition shows that we all can be strong but in the blink of an eye, one’s body and mobility can fall apart.

There were recurring moments this fall when I did not feel like myself.

Surprised by Joy blogger Wynne’s post about Groundlessness provided an apt word that captures my mood: I felt groundless, because the accumulated challenges felt crushing on the ground I seemed to walk on.

Cohen’s lyrics resonated, because the past few weeks reminded me that in weakness, one’s faith – religious or not – can be strengthened.

I am often an optimist and it serves me well. But as a special needs parents, I often feel the need to hold it all together.

The last few weeks showed that by stumbling through cracks, you learn to find new footing.

Making peanut brittle was a fun activity to do on a lazy New Year’s Day.

T gave us an unexpectedly rare morning off when he woke up at 11!

My eyes first opened at 9 and I had thought about checking to see that he was breathing but I was enjoying the silence too much!

The last two weeks have been great actually. Even though T was home this past week, I slept in and took lots of naps. It’s amazing what sleep can do for your mood!

When I saw Ma on New Years Eve, her medication seems to be improving her condition.

After a bumpy few weeks, I am starting 2022 on sweeter footing.

17 thoughts on “Brittle and Faith

    1. Thank you, Pauline. That’s very kind of you. Sandwich generation is a great phrase! Definitely feel like a meatball right now in a meatball sandwich! 😆 Let’s hope for more pleasant surprises going forward indeed. Take care. 🙏

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    1. Thanks Diane. It was a great recipe.

      We went back to virtual schooling yesterday. Ugh. Back to hell. Haha. But glad my mom is doing a bit better.

      Hope your daughter and family are better too!

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  1. I’ve never made peanut brittle before, but I do enjoy eating it. I’m going to try to make this next year for Christmas. Sorry to hear about your Ma’s muscle disease. It can be exhausting taking care of everyone around you, but glad that you’re being mindful that you need some down time too to rest and recuperate. All the best with remote learning with T this week!

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    1. Thanks Linda. It is a fantastic recipe and so easy to make. Enjoy it!

      And thanks for the well wishes. I’m so exhausted just thinking about virtual learning and it hasn’t started yet. 😆

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    1. I’ve discovered his music recently and it is very calming indeed. Another wonderful Canadian export. 😉 Wishing you and Hawklad a smoother 2022. 🙏🙏🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Peanut brittle, Leonard Cohen and sleeping?! Wow, what a combination! What a great blog post. I’m so glad that the break ended up restorative for you, even without an assist from daycare. I’m so glad you are finding a way to find footing in the cracks. You inspire me.

    And thanks for the shout out!

    May the transition back to routine go smoothly – this week and beyond! Sending my best wishes!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sweet and Fun Family Cooking activity. I like Peanut Brittle but have not tasted anything home made yet. This one looks delicious. Yes, new year is here. Resolutions here we go again, only to break them later or improvise when it does not work. Still it’s nice to hope. I normally am not to resolutions and goals because I just break them or daily, but after 2 years of covid, had to take some control of my life…which has been a mess, though people don’t believe me when I say that. Health, need to loose weight and cope with stress in the most healthiest alternative. Relationships, need to connect with those I’m so scared to start over. Travels, well, it’s time to move on with the pandemic & discover adventures I been postponing. Friendship, quality over quantity. Happiness, as much as I can, as long as I can. Live in the moment like last year but more assertiveness for self care and love. The first two days of the new year just kind of went quickly. I hope to slow down time if I can by making memorable moments every month. Ab, thanks for bringing joy and inspiration through your blog. It makes the world kinder, more hopeful. Happy New Year to you and your wonderful family. 2022 will be awesome because we will make it awesome regardless of news and events. Take care my friend. You are the best! 🙏

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    1. I’m very sorry that things are messy in your life. I know you’ve alluded to issues in your writing but I always appreciate how despite the challenges, you find a way to stay positive. I hope that continues for you in 2022 but also very understandable if you just need to let things fall apart too. We are all human and this pandemic has been so challenging and hard!

      New Years resolutions are good and bad. Good in that they light the fire under our butts but also they are so easy to break! Haha. But setting goals for your health is always a good thing regardless of the outcome. So good for you for setting that bar this year and good luck!

      I have full faith in you will make wonderful memories and connections for yourself, your son and your family in 2022 and I look forward to reading all about it.

      And thank YOU for being a beacon of life in the blogging community. You inspire me tremendously too. 😊 Take care.

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