Creating Space for Something New

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, FASD, Parenting, school, wellbeingTags:, , , , ,

“The park is fading away,” T said with sadness during a recent bedtime, as I was tucking him in.

He said that several mulberry trees had been chopped off over the late summer.

Earlier in the summer, the trees provided great enjoyment, after the hubby and T noticed a group of seniors picking wild mulberries from the tree.

Over the following days, T and the hubby – and I joined in later – filled containers full of the fruit.

The hubby made a jammy syrup with them then I used the syrup to dress roasted porkchops.

I told T the trees were likely cut down to deter the two wild coyotes that have been living in the area and feeding on the mulberries.

Then T recalled the tree that had been cut down by his daycare and the tree in our neighbourhood that fell during a windstorm.

As we know with kids, sometimes there’s a deeper meaning behind their words.

I reminded T that change is a part of life and it means we lose people and things. It’s sad when it happens and change is a hard part of life.

I then said that change can also be good, because when something goes away, it creates space for something new.

One of the hardest parts of caregiving is helping your loved one – who is still developing their emotional and coping skills – to understand the harder abstract things in life.

It can especially feel hard when your own emotional capacity is maxed out.

As with anything in life with T, you do your best and take it a day at a time.

T started his Grade 5 year, his final year in this school before he moves to middle school.

We are very fortunate he’s had a very positive start to his school year, thanks to his CYW and structure his CYW and the school have put into place.

When I picked T up for daycare on Friday, the staff told me that T was briefly upset that afternoon.

He told her this was his last year in his school and a school he had spent more than half his life at.

Oh, that felt heavy for the end of a long week.

Change is hard and change is inevitable.

This is a big year for us as we try to advocate for the resources and look for the best options as T moves to middle school next year.

I have more questions and uncertainty than answers.

But I know one thing is for certain. Change is coming and it will create space for something new in our lives.

40 thoughts on “Creating Space for Something New”

  1. T can come pick all the mulberries he wants in our yard. They may have cut them down because of the mess they make. When my husband cuts the grass they actually fall down the back of his shirt and talk about stains! There were so many that fell one year the mower tires lost traction. I hope T continues to have a great school year and understands about change.

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    1. Oh you’re so lucky you have mulberries in your yard! I can see though how messy they can get. They seem to be more brittle and messy than blackberries. I could see why they’d need to be trimmed.

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    1. Thank you, Ana! I know you can relate as you’ve experienced quite a bit of change over the recent while too. Supportive loved ones definitely help! 😊💕

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  4. I’m in my 50s and still remember the mulberries we picked as kids (although my sisters and I were naughty and used to take turns of putting them up our nose to scare mum by pretending we had a nose bleed!)

    Love this line: “Change is hard and change is inevitable.” So true!

    Beautiful post, Linda xx

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  6. Sorry I missed this post, Ab! The wisdom here…about being emotionally maxed out…is so spot-on for me at the moment. There’s a lot to take in that’s out of our control and the care and keeping of self and those we love is super-duper important. I love how adept you are at anticipating and spotting inevitable change, seasons and waves. Even when you can’t pinpoint what’s coming. So good. Big hugs to all! 😉💝😉

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    1. Thanks Vicki! 🥰 It seems that letting go of things that we can’t control is a common thread in our recent posts/interviews. Such important wisdom to live by. 🙏 May we both and our loved ones navigate this season of change ahead with grace!

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  7. Even for adults change can be scary. T lamenting the chopped off trees really shows his tenderness, which I think is a good thing because that means he cares a lot, despite how the world sees him. We all have more questions than answers in life, but that’s the beauty of living, isn’t it? We keep figuring out about the world and about ourselves along the journey.

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    1. Thanks Bama. Change is hard for sure – In recent years, I learned about change management as a practice at work and you’re right, it impacts us adults too. Hope you’re doing well and happy Canadian Thanksgiving! 💕

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    1. Thanks Gary. Yes, I have a problem with eating as I pick. 🤣 We’ve hit a stumbling block at school, unfortunately, that has nothing to do with T but he is impacted. Once it’s resolved, I’ll definitely reflect about it. Send us strength! 🙏 Hope you and Hawklad are doing well.

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    1. Thanks Diane. We don’t always say the right things unfortunately but we do our best. It’ll be a big change but we’ll be as ready for it as possible. 💕🙏

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  10. I love how you positioned the loss with T, Ab. Change is hard, no matter what our circumstances or what stage of life we’re at. For a child like T, filling that empty space the right way is so important. I feel confident that you and your hubby wil guide him in the right direction.

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  12. So well said and true for kids and adults. Your writing touches my heart while teaching life lessons. Thank you, Ab – (tomorrow our dog Daniel is having an MRI – it’s not looking good for him and I see big changes coming too quickly…) V

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    1. Thanks Vickie. I’m very sorry to hear about Daniel. Sending him and all you lots of strength to get through the changes that are coming. 💕

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  13. Oh, I feel this through and through, Ab. It’s so true – and I can’t tell whether I like feeling it coming. Miss O is really conscious of it though and I keep getting roped into things because “it’s the last time she’ll be doing it.”

    You’re right – it’s hard to help our kids through these abstract thoughts, especially when we’re maxed out.

    Hope you all have a great week!

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    1. Thanks Wynne. The joy and challenge of parenting is also feel through life through our children’s heightened emotions! 😊💕

      Hope you have a great week ahead too!

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  14. you really articulated that well, and had the perfect example to use. everything is temporary after all, and when things change, even when we know they are coming, it causes us to worry, because we don’t know what to expect. even though what we know may have it’s its imperfections, we know what to expect. it’s the not knowing about what’s coming, that causes the worry. with my students moving on, my daughters, as well as myself, and now my grandchildren, we talk about being both excited and nervous for new things. it’s always a mix. at first things feel a bit uncomfortable, like new shoes, or you don’t recognize them when you go put them on, and once you walk in them a bit, they slowly begin to feel better, you might trip in them a little at first or they feel like someone else’s shoes or a bit stiff, but before you realize it, you will be skipping and running in them, better than ever, and you’ll find yourself exploring in new places in them , places you never even knew existed before. it will all be okay, but will not be without bumps. you are all so lucky that T can talk about these things, he is so bright and expresses things in myriad ways.

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    1. Thanks Beth. The human side of change is the hardest. I know for myself, it is navigating both the anxiety and the excitement about what’s to come and also what will get left behind. For a neurodiverse child, it can feel even more stressful, I imagine. Always give time to mourn what’s being lost but also try to focus on the new things coming. You’re right, we’re lucky that T is a bright kid. 💕🙏

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  16. “But I know one thing is for certain. Change is coming and it will create space for something new in our lives.” I needed this today Ab. Well said. Let’s hope I manage the change in my life as well as T. Moving to middle school. A big, but exciting year. I know still a while yet, but sending positive thoughts your way.

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  17. Mulberries look a lot like blackberries. It’s great that you were able to pick some from the park before they were cut down because of the coyotes. It’s always sad when a tree is cut down, blown over or damaged. But c’est la vie. Change is always tough regardless of age. But you’re right, change can create something new. Kind of like when a wildfire sweeps through the forest. It’s normal and necessary to clear out dead vegetation and it also creates space for new plants to thrive and flourish.

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    1. They do look like mulberries, Linda! They don’t taste quite as sweet. It’s too bad they got cut down.

      The wildfire analogy is a good one and I think you’re right, sometimes the metaphorical change causes so much anguish and anxiety but when it passes, it creates space for new life to flourish. 💕

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  18. As thoughtful and empathetic as usual, Ab. What really strikes me about this post is that T, at his young age, can articulate these fairly deep thoughts, including to his daycare staff. That’s impressive. He’s learning from you!

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