Building a Child’s Confidence

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, FASD, growth mindset, love, Parenting, schoolTags:, , , , ,

With less than a handful of days of school left, I’m leaving with one key takeaway: confidence is built and nurtured.

T’s Grade 4 year flew by. Many things clicked this year. With his CYW’s continued support, T has grown academically, personally and socially.

Even daycare staff have noted how far he has come.

There are still things we need to work on with T: to be more independent, time and task management, and watching his potty mouth when he becomes disregulated are a few.

Some subjects, like math, are becoming more challenging, as the concepts become complex.

One step at a time, I always remind myself.

There was a time when starting kindergarten seemed scary. Then he moved to Grade 1. When he wondered whether he would stack three blocks. Then he swam into the deep end of the pool.

Diana Malbin’s foundational book “Trying Differently, Not Harder” is one of the first books I read about fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD) on my parenting journey.

There are still days when I bash my head against the wall in frustration and exhaustion as I struggle with the challenges of this complex journey.

But challenges become easier when you look at them with a different lens.

One of the best decisions we recently made was to find a tutor for T. Since starting weekly sessions in late April, T and Karen have clicked.

We’ve asked her to focus on building T’s reading stamina and comprehension.

Every week, t reads a short story page from Evan Moore’s fantastic Daily Reading Comprehension workbook then completes a worksheet.

At the end of their 90-minute session, she’d call the hubby and I down so T could read the short story to us. Then she’d praise T for a job well done.

She also incorporates other activities that builds on his interests: watching T play with his marble run set, completing word searches and introducing him to a game called Nab-It.

She made up a game with T where she challenged him to use the letters to create as many rhyming words as possible.

She thought T would do 5 or 6 at most; as you can see in the video down below, he did 14 – and could’ve done more if he had more letters.

She was over the top with praise but I understood what she was doing. She is a retired teacher – and that is what the best teachers do: to build a child’s motivation to learn and their confidence to believe they can do a good job.

Believing in oneself is incredible fuel for children with FASD, who I imagine don’t always hear the nicest things about themselves at school.

I can see why T responds to her. We will be continuing with tutoring over the summer, to maintain and build reading comprehension skills.

T had another tutoring session with Karen this afternoon and I could hear from my upstairs home office how well T was doing.

As she packed her things to leave, she told us, in front of T, how much she enjoys working with him and what a smart and funny kid he is.

I could tell how much it meant to T to hear that. It meant a lot to me too.

30 thoughts on “Building a Child’s Confidence”

  1. When you figure out the time management thing, can you let me know – is it too late to learn? Love to hear about T’s progress and his village of supporters and fans! also I think I am going to get a word search for my granddaughter who struggles with reading – I saw it in your photo – 💖

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    1. Thanks Vickie and will do! 🥰 And the word searches really do entertain T. If it works for you granddaughter, the crossword puzzles might work too. Good luck!

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  2. WOW! It takes three (and more) to bring up a child and them learn and grow – child, parents, and a teacher who cares. Sounds like you have all three. I teach 6th grade science and for many kids, it’s a huge leap, but when the year comes to a close and we look back at how far they stretched and grew. It’s amazing. Keep making the days count!

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    1. Thank you, Clay. 😊 It really does take a village and we’re blessed to have a wonderful community. Teachers make such a difference and I can imagine how gratifying it must feel to see the growth in your students at the end of the year! 🙏

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  3. OMG Ab! T talks so clearly and did a fantastic job! I know you two do a fantastic job with T’s learning but sometimes a teacher gets more response than a parent would. She seems like a wonderful teacher and it’s nice you get 90 minutes for yourself. All my clients parents always loved it when I picked up my clients and took them into the community so they could have the house to themself. I’m so happy hearing how well T is doing.

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    1. Thank you Diane! 🥰 I agree with you that outside supports, such as teachers and CYWs, can bring out a better response than us parents could. Very thankful for our new tutor and the results so far. 🙏

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  5. It’s hard to believe that the school year is almost done!! Glad to hear that T had a successful Grade 4 and has made progress in a lot of areas. It’s amazing how a bit of support, encouragement and praise can work wonders on a child’s confidence. And I’m happy to hear there are some very lovely Karens out there!

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    1. Two more days, Linda! 🥰 So hard to believe how fast this year just flew by. I agree that one of our key roles as caregivers is to help encourage and build our children’s confidence. I bet you and K are doing great at this! Enjoy your long weekend ahead. Happy Pride in Toronto! 🌈

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  6. What a lovely, encouraging tutor Karen is! It’s very important to have people who always support you to build your confidence and create an environment to nurture it, because you know, sometimes the world wants to bring us down. I’m so happy to hear the impact Karen’s tutoring has on T’s confidence. I believe those 14 words came out from this, because T knew he could.

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    1. Thank you, Bama. We are very lucky to have met Karen. She is a great addition to T’s community of support, including his CYW. It’s a good reminder to me that we can all do our part to raise people up instead of trying to bringing them down. 💕

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  7. That’s so great. I’m so happy you found Karen. She sounds like a wonderful woman. This: “who I imagine don’t always hear the nicest things about themselves at school.” Garsh. Yes. I hadn’t really thought of that. Poor kid. 😦

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    1. Thanks Betsy! T’s school and daycare is thankfully very very supportive. But I do know some kids and their parents aren’t always the most understanding. Just things to navigate in this wonderful journey. 😊

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    1. So much of this caregiving journey is just winging it, Gary – and you have extra weights you’re carrying that make taking flight harder. You are not just doing your best, you are doing great and inspiring others, including me. 🥰

      As much as T brings me daily challenges, you are right, he is also building me up. Often it’s him doing so more than the other way! 🙏

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  9. Oh, Ab…so good. Every bit. Especially this reminder: “Believing in oneself is incredible fuel…”
    Cheers to those who know how to offer those boosts…parents and educators, alike. Big hugs! 🥰

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  11. I love this, Ab! Confidence is built – isn’t that true? T is going to be trending for sure with how funny and smart he is! Love that Karen worked out as a tutor. One step at a time is a good reminder but it’s great when the steps work out! Enjoy your last few days of school! ❤

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  12. Wow, Ab, you have come so far in this journey as well. T clearly continues to grow and as you know, I always say ‘baby steps’ are the way we get through life. You and your hubby have made some very positive changes and choices this year to help set T up in a positive direction and he is headed that way even if he takes a detour every so often. As you said, look how far he’s come! His tutor sounds amazing and I’m so glad she gets him and they have the connection that they do. Maybe one day you could ask T to teach you guys how to play one of the games that he’s learned. I’m guessing he’d be really proud to be in the teacher role and to teach his dads something new. Be sure to remind him to be patient with you as it’s sometimes hard to learn new things.

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    1. Thank you Beth for the very kind encouraging words. 😊 We’ve been very blessed with finding this tutor and I do hope it can carry him through grade 5 and ultimately till the end of elementary school in grade 8 and perhaps beyond! 🙏 Yes, it is good to remind ourselves to be patient too. That part is a work in progress. 😆

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  13. “One step at a time, I always remind myself.” Um, I think I need to take your advice Ab. And it’s not just T that needs to hear a few words of encouragement. Great to hear his progress and his response to the great comments. Congrats on a great year.

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  14. I attended my niece’s wedding this past weekend and had this exact conversation with my retired teaching brother. Building confidence is a skill that parents and teachers can help foster in children. Some folks fall into the trap of rewarding kids for everything they do (I’m not opposed to the occasional reward), but what kids really want is the sincere approval from people they care about. Praise, particularly when a child has shown resilience, carries a lot of impact.

    I wasn’t familiar with Nab-It, but I imagine most children would love that game. A word game I used to play with my classes was Boggle. Check that one out if you’re unfamiliar with it.

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    1. Thanks Pete. How very cool that teaching runs through your family! So many kids are benefiting from your family. 😊

      I agree that praise and reward should be matched with output as kids can detect BS and also makes it feel earned and lead to more motivation.

      Boggle is such a fun game. Loved it growing up. Never thought of playing it with T. But now I will. Thank you!

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