Meeting a Karen

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, FASD, growth mindset, Parenting, schoolTags:, , , ,

“Aren’t Karens mean?” T asked when I let him know we found him a tutor.

It was not the first time he’s made such a comment. The other time was directly at a grocery cashier named Karen.

Thankfully, in the case of his new academic support, she has been wonderful and kind so far.

Finding T a tutor had been on my to-do list for a while but other priorities, and not having enough time in my day, kept getting in the day.

In early April, I hunkered down and contacted the lady that had been recommended by T’s kindergarten teacher.

I let her know our goal is to provide T with additional supports as Grade 4 has been a more challenging year and we are also planning ahead for later years.

I let her know that we believe T is bright and capable but FASD and ADHD make it challenging for him in the classroom, even though he has a CYW supporting him. We believe he can benefit from 1-1 tutoring to catch up in areas where he is unable to focus on in the classroom.

I learned that Karen is a retired elementary school teacher, that she raised two autistic boys now in their 20s and her brother was part of the school board’s first special education program.

We had an informal meet and greet and she and T hit it off.

I could see her using strategies like setting a timer, giving transition warnings and breaks and providing positive reinforcement and incentives.

T and I started an Instagram account and his first post aligns with the goals of introducing him to a tutor.

I let Karen know that our immediate priority is to work on T’s reading, as he has low interest in reading and his teacher says he needs to build his stamina and comprehension.

Then we can figure out priorities in Grade 5 once we get a sense of what T’s needs are this Fall.

Thankfully, we are able to expense the cost of tutoring with Special Services at Home government funding that we receive to support T.

T has had two sessions with Karen – once a week. The hubby or I pick him up from school and he misses daycare and works with Karen for 90 minutes then she leaves before supper.

I work from home during T’s tutoring days but I let Karen know it’s her show, while we work upstairs.

I can hear the buzz of their conversation and Karen’s impressions are that T is bright, articulate and that she underestimated his abilities.

She’s also connected with T’s teacher and CYW so they’re working towards the same goals.

During the first session, she brought over a Gravitrax marble run set – the same one that T has – and said he could take care of it indefinitely.

So now T has double the supplies and he’s put them to great use – as you can see below.

Karen let T know that not all kids can create things like this and that he could be an engineer one day.

I find she is very encouraging – in a way that feels genuine – and T is responding well to it.

At the end of each session, T gave her a big hug and stood on our porch and waved as she drove off.

He doesn’t do that for just anyone.

Really, what more could we ask for?

61 thoughts on “Meeting a Karen”

  1. Pingback: Building a Child’s Confidence – My Life With T

  3. Poor Karens! That’s my sister’s name, except it’s spelled as Caryn. Glad to hear T’s tutor is a kind Karen and has experience interacting with kids who may need different strategies and approaches to be engaged and learn. And it’s awesome that she’s been getting along great with T!

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    1. Hopefully the different spelling provides some camouflage for your sister! 😂

      We’re thankful for a good start with our Karen and hope it’ll lead to a long lasting tutoring relationship. 🙏

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  6. Karen sounds like a great addition to the team, Ab. I love how you continue to expand his supports as he grows and builds bigger. What a fantastic first IG message! T is a marvel!

    We recently met a Karen too – she was the one who pierced Miss O’s ears. Isn’t it funny how a whole name can be co-opted!

    Here’s to all the people who help us realize our dreams! Have a great weekend! ❤

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    1. Thanks Wynne. 😊 We’re feeling pretty good about this tutoring arrangement. Still early days but a fit so far. 🙏

      I feel terrible for all the Karens out there. It’s gonna be at least 1-2 generations of this name shaming to go. 😆

      We have a long weekend over here so a nice slow morning before a family hike. Enjoy your week ahead too. You have your big long weekend coming up!

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    1. Thanks Margie! 😊 What a wonderful meaning behind the name. I did not know that. More people should know this definition and not the one that’s gone viral these days!

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  8. This sounds like a wonderful fit and support for T. I love the way you support him, have created a team around him and continue to expand his experience with safe and supportive adults in his life. ❤️

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    1. Thanks LaDonna! 😊 It’s been two sessions so far, plus the meet and greet, but we feel good about it. Hope it’s something that will last through T’s academic life, at least elementary school. 🙏

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    1. Thanks Jill. 😊 It’s about trying to create a good group of supports around T in all his touch points and we are hopeful this will be a good longterm fit. 🙏

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      1. Fingers crossed, my friend. You guys are doing such a great job parenting T … he’s a lucky boy and someday when he’s a man, he’ll realize just how lucky he was!

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      3. I can only imagine, my friend. I remember back when my son, Clifford, who was severely disabled from birth was alive and how hard it sometimes was, how exhausting trying to figure out what the right thing to do was. Hang in, Ab … you’re on the right track.

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  12. This is wonderful! Having someone like Karen as T’s tutor, and seeing how the connection between them grew must have felt really good for you and your husband. I hope more positive things like this will come your way, because this is really a help you need in your long journey of raising a child with FASD.

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    1. Thanks Bama! 😊 Growing up with Asian parents and friends, tutoring was a common practice and in fact, both my parents also were tutors to supplement their income so we always had kids in our house on evenings and weekends. 😆 We’re pretty blessed with the many blessings in our life, despite the hardships, and this is the latest addition of good things. 🥰

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  13. How wonderful to have found a tutor who T has hit it off with. I taught a lot of kids like T over the years, and the magic begins to happen if you can find a series that gets him excited. Graphic novels are big with kids these days. Some might call them glorified comic books, but if the goal is to turn children onto reading, you first have to find something they love. That’s when they finish one and beg for the next one in the series. Over time, you introduce more sophisticated books with intriguing plots.

    I’m sure you and your partner already do this, but I read with our son nightly through sixth grade. Sometimes he read to me, other times I read to him, and we often took turns reading. I have some of the best father/son memories about his time in his life. He’s now 32 and his own son turned 1 today. He developed a love for reading over time and of course the practice was critical. It does my heart good to see Ryan (our son) reading independently and even introducing books to his son.

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    1. What a sweet story, Pete. It must really feel like a magical full circle moment to see the routines you cherished and established with your son now take a life of its own with your grandson. 😊

      I’m a big comic book and graphic novel fan and still read them. I like that they are more openly accepted as legit reading by schools and libraries now. T used to enjoy bedtime and weekend reading practice but it has admittedly fallen by the wayside because, to be honest, life gets busy and hard. So hopefully, with Karen’s help, we can get him back on track. 🙏

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  14. Oh it sounds like the start of a budding relationship. And the best thing, she gets to tutor T and prod him about homework. It takes away a task. You get to be a father and not a permanent pest, checking up on homework!!! I love that for you. Smart move getting the tutor!!! Best of luck.

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    1. Thanks Brian! You nailed it with why this is an added bonus for us. 🥰 Frees up time for us and makes one of our weeknight routines less exhausting. Children generally present differently between parents and other adult figures and we’re seeing that in the two sessions we’ve had so far. 🙏

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      1. Instead of you reminding T about homework, it’s the tutor doing it. You’re still involved but you can be dad, not taskmaster. Looking back on times with our son with dyslexia, this is the one thing we could’ve done better. We had too many fights that probably didn’t need to happen. All better now, but wow. Ha, ha.

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      2. You and I are on the same wavelength, Brian! 😊😆 I think T behaves differently between us and others whom are more professional than personal. It has made our Monday evenings calmer at home, that’s for sure! 🙏

        Life is all about 20/20, for better or for worse and you and your wife made it through the wilderness!

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  15. It seems like a really good match and one of the most important things is the relationship between the tutor and the student. There has to be trust and a connected relationship before anything else can happen and it sounds like they are building this quite naturally. She clearly sees T ‘s strengths and potential and is building off of them and this is such a wonderful beginning! I’m so happy to read this and proof that there are good Karen’s out in the world! A win-win –

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    1. Thanks Beth. 😊 Trust is so so important. A sign of Karen’s expertise and experience was she had arranged a casual meet and greet first which was low stakes and zero work and just all fun. I could hear T testing her boundaries in the first session and she confirmed as much. But I think she is able to manage it. 😊 I seriously hope this is a relationship that can carry through at least the rest of T’s elementary school journey (4 more years to go after this year). 🙏

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  16. Pingback: Meeting a Karen – Brain disorders & other General topics of the day

    1. Thanks Deb! 😊 I grew up with kids in our home on weekends because my parents tutored math and Chinese, so I saw the direct positive impact it had made on the kids. I’m glad we were able to finally make this happen for T and hope it can continue for a long while. 🙏

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  19. Such a wonderful, happy post. Thank goodness people like Karen exist. She has so much experience and wisdom to offer. When T is an adult, he will no doubt look back on her fondly as a great influence in his life. All great things here!!

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    1. I just remembered something else I wanted to comment. My little dude likes Dogman books. They’re graphic novels, so half pictures, filled with dumb boy humor. If T needs motivation to read, perhaps he would enjoy those as a stepping stone. Maybe he has already discovered those. Fortunately, Captain Underpants hasn’t made it into my home, but I’m pretty sure it’s by the same author. But if T gets into them, that’s great because there’s a ton of them. My guy also likes Smurf graphic novels. Less boy humor in those, at least. –Speaking as a mom. 😛

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      1. Thanks for the suggestion, Betsy. I love comic books and graphic novels and I love that they are recognized as legit reading material these days. 🥰

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    2. Thank you Betsy! 😊We are thankful to be connected with Karen and I hope it blossoms into a longterm positive relationship that he indeed looks back on fondly one day. 🙏

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  21. I’m so happy to read this was a positive note, especially when I saw “Karen” in the title. I’m going to try emailing you about that.

    As for your post, this is awesome! That fact that she’s also communicating with his CYW & teacher. With all of you working together there no telling how far T will go with his accomplishments. 🥰

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    1. Thanks Tammy! 😊 Thankfully not all Karens are cut from the same cloth. 😆

      And yes, it has been a very promising start to his tutoring journey. 🙏

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      1. For some reason I thought I had your email. I just wanted to mention briefly & privately the connection with the original Karen that made me cringe when reading the title of your post. Thought you might be interested in what actually went down from the beginning.🫣

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      2. I seem to think we’ve emailed each other in the past. Lemme see if I can find it. But you can try my blog email contact which is mylovablepest@gmail.com which I don’t mind posting publicly. 😊 Hope you enjoy your week ahead!

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    1. Thanks AnneMarie. 😊 I wish for the same too. So much of it is raising awareness of the possibilities and to advocate for the same access for all kids. 🙏 We’re very thankful to have this possibility for T.

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