One thing that keeps me up as a special needs parent is thinking about our child’s future.
My workplace is developing its next multi-year strategic plan. Participating in the process made me think about T’s next few years.
Any special needs parent will tell you we just want to make it to the end of the week, so where do we find time to think years into the future.
Organizations that invest the time to executive effective strategic plans thrive and withstand whatever lies ahead.
I believe that special needs families can thrive and weather storms with advanced planning, as exhausting as it seems.
I’m not an expert in strategic planning, but there are common steps that include research, SWOT analysis and scenario planning.
The hubby and I are honest about the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats (SWOT) within T and surrounding him.
We find ways to stay informed about FASD and connected with communities of caregivers, experts and service providers.
Our pragmatic nature guide us to hope for the best and to plan for worst case scenarios.
I’ve been thinking about the priorities in a strategic plan for our family in the next five years.
T will enter his teen years during this period and I am nervous of these years from the experiences I’ve read from other FASD caregivers.
Instead of letting myself be paralyzed with worry, I try to channel it into something productive.
These are what I consider our family’s five priorities for the next few years, along with expected actions to bring this plan to life.
Build Skills, Connections and Wellbeing
- Advocate and identify school supports to maximize T’s academic outcomes.
- Identify positive social connections for T within at school and in the community.
- Build pragmatic skills – e.g. print, digital and financial literacies, self-care, chores – to support independence.
Navigate Adolescene
- Have conversations with T about bullying, online safety, drugs, sexual health and consent.
- Identify positive mentor relationships.
- Find productive activities – e.g. sports, part-time work, internships, etc. – to keep him out of trouble.
Maintain and Increase Personal Capacity
- Prioritize our self care through exercise, diet and alone time.
- Identify respite services to give ourselves regular ongoing breaks.
- Protect and maintain work life balance.
Raise awareness and advocacy
- Support T in his continued exploration and understanding of his FASD diagnoses.
- Participate in activities – e.g. blogging, caregiver groups, political activities – that raise awareness of FASD.
- Explore starting a podcast with T as both an advocacy tool and Papa-and-T bonding time.
Enjoy life to the fullest as a family
- Maximize family time on weekends.
- Save for and enjoy family vacations.
- Always focus on the big picture: FASD is part of our family but it does not define us.
T is also thinking about the future, specifically the planet’s future.
During a recent bike ride around the neighbourhood, we noticed an unusually large amount of water bottles littered at the park.
T got quite angry and said people are destroying the planet. His exact words, “People are assholes!” 😆
So T took it upon himself to do a park clean up and I helped him. We picked up nearly 30 bottles.
During a recent morning at the office, I received a lovely photo from T’s drive to school, along with a sweet text message: “I love the world. But I love you more papa. You are the best papa in the world.”
We don’t always have great days and some moments are so hard. But I always believe in staying hopeful for T’s future.
Having a high-level plan will guide our family over the next few years and allow us to embrace the opportunities that emerge, while feeling better prepared for the storms that lie ahead.
Image at top: Enjoying the view of Thunder Bay during a family roadtrip in summer 2020.
My Life With T 
T is a thoughtful child!
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Thanks Serena. It’s nice to be reminded of this. He’s had a very disregulated evening tonight so this was a nice reminder! 💕
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I love when you share the special messages T gives you. He is a boy with such a good heart, you two taught him that! That is amazing that he wanted to clean up the park, I wish a reporter had seen him then maybe the litterers could see what it’s like to love the earth!
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Thanks Diane. He does have such a good heart. He wrote us a lovely Fathers Day message that I’ll share soon. It makes us smile.
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I love T’s attitude to mother planet🤔 he needs to come and sensitize people on our end on littering
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Thanks Faith. We’ll gladly visit your end one day! 😊 It’s on our bucket list for sure.
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The planning is so important, it helps us moving forward. Gives something to build on.
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You REALLY, REALLY are the best papa in the world!! 🤍
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Thanks Stacy. I really appreciate the kind words. 💕
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One thing I also learned from work is the concept of Agile. Not all organizations do it correctly — most only focus on doing things fast. But what is more fundamental about it is how to learn fast: if things don’t work as planned, we can always change course immediately and readjust everything. Your five priorities sound wonderful! Setting these up from the beginning will surely help you and T along the way. And speaking of him, what a kind-hearted person he is for picking up all those bottles!
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Thanks Bama! I totally agree about the agile practice and the importance to fail fast and be nimble in adapting. I try to keep work talk out of my blog but we’ll have to trade stories about what we do one day! 😊
He really is a kind hearted kid and I have to remind myself of this in the disregulated moments when he’s swearing at me. 😆💕
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What a wonderful list of priorities over the next few years. It’s amazing that you’re planning for the future for T and have come up with a game plan. The podcast idea is very cute and a great way to share your stories and strategies with others. You know, T isn’t wrong about that comment about people being assholes! It’s amazing that he took initiative and picked up all those plastic water bottles. What a good kid! And that message he sent you is so sweet!!
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Thanks Linda! It’s nice to dream of the game plan. The trick of course is in the execution. 😆 Thankfully life is more fluid and we just learn to roll with the punches.
He is a sweet and good kid indeed, when he’s not cussing a mile a minute! 😊
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That’s a message to cherish forever. ❤️ Thinking long-term is so much more important than most people consider, and I think perhaps especially for those with slightly different needs. You have a great plan and I’m sure T will navigate the coming years well, with your support, Ab. He’s lucky to have such caring and attentive papas! 🥰
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Thanks Erin. I know you can relate with the importance of long term planning. 😊
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Great plan. I have faith in you 🙂 T’s message melted my heart ❤️
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Thanks Margie! 🙏 Yes, this little guy does find ways to melt our hearts, doesn’t he?
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Oh my goodness. The best text message EVER. I think your game plan, applying the SWOT principles to what comes next, being prepared as advocates and champions for T is perfect, perfect, perfect. Subject to change, for sure, but having a plan breeds confidence and calm. Even when you toss most of as you adapt and grow together. Much love! 🥰
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Thanks Vicki! I like your pointing out that life’s best laid plans are always subject to change but feels nice to have a plan in place. 😊
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The best words any Papa can hear! You have certainly earned that beautiful statement. Your strategic plan is incredibly loving, practical, and organized – you always amaze me with your insight and foresight.
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Thanks Vickie. I appreciate it. I know you can very much relate with the need to plan ahead as a special needs parent! 🙏
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I cannot think of a single thing you’ve left out of your plans, Ab! Great job! And you’re already doing the most important things … love & laughter. Need plenty of those! Hugs to you all! 🥰
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Thanks Jill. Definitely need love and laughter as part of the longterm plan. They are so vital to staying sane and afloat! 🙏
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All I can think is how blessed T is to have you and how blessed you are to have T. Well, that’s not precisely true; I’m also thinking about how after having been retired for several years I’d completely forgotten about SWOT analysis and strategic planning! Ah, life is good!! 😏
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Thanks Jane. I appreciate your kind words. And yes, I know you can certainly relate to organizational planning from your working days in academia! 😆
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Perfect plans Ab! I think it’s imperative to be proactive and I would say that for any set of parents raising a child in our society today. You have the opportunity to anticipate certain challenges with T so I think that gives you such a leg up in looking to the future. And you know what- I fully agree with T and his take on the folks who think it’s okay to leave trash wherever they want 😉
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Thanks Deb! I appreciate your encouragement. And yes, I normally don’t condone T’s potty mouth, but I think this situation was warranted! 😆
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Wow – that is an incredible strategic plan, Ab. I love your incredibly loving parenting heart and T’s big heart. If there is anything I can do to pass on podcasting lessons learned (the little I know), please let me know!
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Thanks Wynne. It’s nice to have a high level plan in place. The key will be in the execution. 😂 The podcast will probably be a 2025 project at the earliest and I will most certainly be looking to you for guidance on this endeavor!
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