This Grateful Heart

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, Family, FASD, gratitude, love, Parenting, wellbeingTags:, , , , , , ,

When chaos disrupts my peace, gratitude helps reframe my focus to face the challenges ahead.

On our recent flight home from a wonderful family vacation in Mexico, T had a full-blown meltdown during boarding.

The hubby had deleted his favourite game from the phone, which I had advised the hubby against giving to T beforehand.

T started swearing and talking back very loudly, drawing stares from the crowd around us.

When the hubby took the phone away, T started screaming, “I’m going to kill you!” Then proceeded to punch and kick the hubby.

He eventually calmed down when it was our turn to board the plane, but you can just imagine how frazzled and embarrassed the hubby and I felt, as we now had to sit with the people, who witnessed the exchange, for the next four hours.

The situation rattled me. It not only disrupted the peace at the airport but it shook my inner peace.

I was so upset during the entire flight, evening at home, and the day after when I had to reenter work and compartmentalize.

But like every misstep in our FASD caregiving journey, things do settle down and time and distance provide valuable perspective – and laughter is a wonderful medicine.

Gratitude is Healing

I recently helped the Surrey Place Family Advisory Council launch their new podcast, “The Exceptional Caregivers Life.”

When we were mapping out the pilot season, our team felt strongly about doing an episode about gratitude, because it was important to share the message that there is always a reason to have hope, humour and heart.

Our latest episode, “Feeling Gratitude in Your Hardship,” came out just before this Easter weekend, a time associated with forgiveness, gratitude and redemption.

This was also the episode I wanted to participate on and I joined my exceptional co-hosts and a fellow caregiver of a child with Emmanuel Syndrome to discuss and raise awareness of FASD through my lived experience.

I never sugarcoat how hard the FASD caregiving journey is.

It is physically, mentally and emotionally draining and on the worst days, I feel like I’m drowning in guilt, anger, despair and other people’s judgment.

One lifesaver that often gets me out of my funk is gratitude; taking a step back to look at the big picture and the things that are going well.

Gratitude can be writing things down in a journal or blog; or prayer and meditation; or going for a walk or 20 minutes on an elliptical; or talking to a trusted friend or a therapist.

It doesn’t make the hard things go away, or bring back a loved one that has passed, or change the past, like of a meltdown at an airport.

But gratitude helps recenter your perspective and recharges you with the tools to face the challenges in front of you.

It’s about realizing there are many things in life that you can’t control, but you can always control how you respond to your challenges.

So Much to be Grateful For

Easter is about forgiveness, gratitude and redemption.

I am always the hardest on myself when something goes belly up with T.

The guilt eats at me and the worry of how others will look at him and treat him for a disability that was never ever his fault.

I’m learning to be better at letting go of things that I have zero control over, like FASD.

I can’t control or change a disability but I can make the most of my finite time with T – a bright, funny and goodhearted child.

I am grateful for the fresh start of each day to try again, to redeem ourselves.

I feel blessed for all the small and bigger adventures we enjoy together as a family.

I am inspired by how T is growing each day. It refuels my motivation to try even harder for him.

I am grateful I have a sense of humour and am able to eventually laugh and make fun of all the things that happen to us because of FASD.

One of my peers on the Family Advisory Council said it best: you can’t make this shit up! 😆 You really can’t! 😂

On this Easter Sunday, T got up at the first sign of daylight at 6:15 and found all the eggs in the house.

I love that he still believes in the Easter Bunny.

He then re-hid all the eggs and woke me up at 7:30 to find them.

I told him to come back at 8:40, because I wanted to sleep in.

Sure enough, at exactly 8:40, the door opened and he told me it was time to get up! 😂

It’s really the small things in life that feel like the biggest, richest and most valuable.

Special Thanks

On the topic of gratitude, I want to give a shoutout and thanks to FeedSpot for selecting and highlighting “My Life with T” on their “20 Best LGBT Parenting Blogs and Websites in 2025” list at #4.

This is a real honour. Thank you! 🥰

50 thoughts on “This Grateful Heart”

  2. First, congratulations on having your blog on the 20 best – and #2 at that! You are so consistent in sharing so much that is real and raw! Well deserved honour!

    I can so relate to the travel experience! When the maiden was 12 we went by train across Canada to visit my Dad. We’d had an incident before leaving (which now I know was likely the stress and excitement at the trip but didn’t know then) and we almost didn’t go! The trip went well enough but there were a few blips on the train – leading to one where I had to ask a porter to help diffuse. I get the stares and judgement though. And being on a train there wasn’t anywhere to escape to!

    And congrats on the podcast! You are doing great things!

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    1. Thanks Yvonne! We all do our parts to collectively advocate and raise awareness and it’s great to be part of a wonderful larger community. 🥰

      Oh, I can only imagine how tough the train situation might’ve been and yes, nowhere to escape too. Nonetheless, I hope and bet you also had many positive memories of the experience too. 🙏 On our wishlist to do a train trip one day too!

      Hope you and the Maiden are doing well!

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  3. You’ve put in a big dose of wisdom in this post. Purposeful gratitude can be quite therapeutic — as well as trying to keep a good sense of humor. You’ve bookended the post with contrasting episodes, which offers a kind of balance. Challenging times happen, but also wonders. Your recounting of T re-hiding the Easter eggs made me smile. Good on him for hiding the eggs, too! 🌞

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    1. Thanks Dave. I know through your writing and art, gratitude and joy come through strongly! 😊

      Contrasting experiences are so vital in recognizing the cycles and patterns in life and the bigger picture, for sure. 🙏

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  6. So sorry to hear about the meltdown disaster at the airport while waiting to fly home. Agreed, laughter and some time really are the best medicine. And hey, it makes for a funny story afterwards! And at the end of the day, you guys make it work. It’s amazing how you’re able to see past all the small stuff and can focus on the bigger picture. Hope you had a lovely Easter. Sounds like the Easter Bunny was good to T this year. I haven’t had time to listen to the podcast yet, but it’s top of my list when I’m back from NZ in May.

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    1. Thanks Linda! 🥰 We’ve been blogging friends long enough to know these moments are part of the course and always provide a valuable lesson and good story to laugh about later. 🙏

      I can’t wait to read about your New Zealand adventures. Enjoy the rest of your trip and safe travels back home!

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      1. You bet. It’s all part of life! And it helps to have a good laugh about it afterwards. It’s hard to believe our trip is coming to an end. We have one week left in New Zealand before flying to Vancouver for a few days and then home.

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      2. The tablet brings out the worst in T and many kids, so it’s really that’s the catalyst. He did great on the flight to Mexico. Alas, we can’t win them all. 🥰

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  11. No parent can figure out everything right from the beginning. As much as this is a long learning journey for both you and T, it is also a learning journey for the society in general because, as you said, this disability was never his fault to begin with. I love what you said about how gratitude helps recenter our perspective and recharges us with the tools to face the challenges in front of us. It’s hard to feel grateful when things seem to be crushing down on us. That’s why I believe it is important to take a step back and breathe so we’re able to see the big picture.

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    1. Thanks Bama! 🥰 Time and distance are wonderful healers and provide very helpful perspective on meltdowns that seem so big and, as you aptly described, crushing in the moment. 🙏

      Hope you have a nice week ahead and that the jet lag has passed!

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  12. I loved listening to the podcast Ab. I admire you so much because you share your life experiences with us and not to mention all the advice you give others as well! I also admire that you take T to more community functions than parents do with their kids that don’t have a disability. I could feel the pain and embarrassment your husband must have felt with the airport incident, you are both amazing!

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    1. Thanks Diane. 🥰 It’s therapeutic writing about our experiences and it’s also gratifying to know it’s helping raise awareness of FASD to others. I really appreciate all the support and encouragement from you. We’ve known each other quite a while now thanks to blogging! 😊

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  13. This, this, this: …”things do settle down and time and distance provide valuable perspective…”
    Thank you for your post, Ab, and for sharing your latest podcast. Can’t wait to tune in. Grateful to know YOU. 🥰

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  14. Oh, I can’t wait to listen to your podcast! And congratulations on your blog honor — well deserved!

    Love how you describe gratitude as a lifesaver. It really can change our perspective around when most needed. Beautiful post! So glad you had a wonderful Easter!

    Have a great week!

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      1. I love that T was accepted for paw therapy. That’s awesome! And your combination of heart, hope and humor is so good. Loved hearing you on this episode. Thank you for sharing!

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  16. Ab, you and your husband are role models for us all, and T is so very lucky to have you both as his family. The hard work of every day, helping T, supporting each other as a family and helping to support other families who are raising children with challenges, is incredible. It’s no wonder you get tired, frustrated, worn down and all the rest that goes with these challenges, but what is indeed a wonder is how you find the love, the grace, the humor, the gifts, in having T in your family and the joy that he brings that makes it all worthwhile even after making it through the hardest moments. Happy Easter to you and your family, Ab!

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    1. Thanks Beth! It is so exhausting but also so rewarding. I know you can relate through your work as a teacher and the many neurodiverse kids you supported. It is hard but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 🥰

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  17. What an Inspirational Post and Podcast Ab! I can only imagine the frustration that you face. I read your description of the what happened at the airport and I could feel my body tense up. But then to see how you moved gracefully into gratefulness and appreciate . . . wow, it really hit home. I found it inspiring. “I am grateful I have a sense of humour and am able to eventually laugh and make fun of all the things that happen to us because of FASD.” Loved hearing you talk about T in the podcast. You’re such a strong advocate. They’re fortunate to have you. I’ll be thinking about “Hope, humor and Heart” the rest of the week. Thanks for sharing. Hope today was fun and Happy Easter!!!!

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    1. Thanks Brian for your kind words. It means a lot coming from you. I know you can relate and also through the experiences of your wife’s work as an educator. 🥰 Perspective is a wonderful gift and the incident honestly doesn’t seem so bad now with some distance! 🙏

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  18. I for one am grateful that you share your experiences as a parent of a child with a disability. Thankful that I’m no longer ignorant to the challenges you, friends of my own, who’s adult children are autistic. I’ve learned so much from you Ab because of your courage to share the great times and the rough ones. Keep educating us my friend!

    Happy Easter.!

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    1. Thanks Tammy! There are a lot of similarities between FASD and autism in how it impairs regulation and executive functioning. I’m grateful to hear the small part I do to help raise awareness is making a difference. 🥰

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  19. I echo what others have said Ab. As a loving family I feel sure you will all keep finding a way to grow, learn, support and love each other in everything that you do.

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  20. Ab, I echo what your previous commenter said. T is one lucky boy, and you are a very special human being. Your messages in this post about gratitude and caring have never been more important. Thank you for being you! (And I love T rehiding all the eggs and then waiting until 8:40!!)

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    1. Thanks Jane! We are the lucky ones although it admittedly doesn’t feel that way during the moments we lose our patience. I’m thankful there are moments sprinkled throughout the year, like Easter, that provide wonderful reminders of the many blessings in our lives. 🥰

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  21. I’m sorry this happened at the end of a lovely vacation. As I was reading this I couldn’t help but going back to the thought of how lucky this little boy is. He ended up with the two of you, who are giving him such a great start on life. He could have ended in a very different place and that thought is so scary to me. Sending you hugs and strength ❤️

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    1. Thanks Margie. In the grand scheme of things, it was a small blip of a wonderful time as a family. Thankfully with time, I can laugh about it. 🥰 We are so lucky the universe brought us together.

      On an unrelated note, I’m doing planning for our summer roadtrip. Contemplating another Northern Ontario trek and stumbled across your Tegamami, North Bay post. How fun!

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