We celebrated Easter with chocolate for our son but for me, it’s more and more about finding grace.
As I get older, I find the Easter message of forgiveness and reconciliation so compelling, especially as a caregiver of a child with FASD.
Underlying this message is the importance to give grace – to others and unto yourself.
We had planned a lowkey Easter with T. It started off pleasant enough – with a fun night out to watch the Super Mario Galaxy Movie on Good Friday.
T woke up in a crabby mood on Saturday and – while I should know better by now – triggered me and I was not going to let a snide comment about the fried egg I made for his breakfast slide. 😂
It ruined my mood and I kept to myself in my room most of the day.
Bless T’s heart. He did everything to make up for it – from coming into my room with treats throughout the day, to tidying up his toys in the living room, to poking his head in to say, “Love you.”
But I needed more time.
T whined to the hubby and the hubby explained to T that while he is able to get over things quickly, others often need more time.
Michael Harris, an FASD advocate with lived experience, wrote an excellent post about the tired that often comes with caregiving – especially during harder moments when your mind is processing the whirlwind of frustration, anger, guilt, sadness, anxiety, tiredness and so on.
Grace with others and with yourself is important.
Easter Monday was a calm transition from an otherwise relaxing weekend back to our routines.
T helped with my meal prep and grocery run, and did reading with me. Then in the evening, he got ready for bed in record time and with no fuss.
I took bedtime to acknowledge the disregulation – his and mine – earlier that weekend.
I told T that life with him feels like a rollercoaster at times, but so long as he’s sitting next to me, we can enjoy the fun highs and get through the chaos and drops together.
I gave him a hug and kiss then we went to bed.
My Life With T 
I mean…life in general is a rollercoaster and has its ups and downs. We all have days when we are more sensitive and take things in a much more dramatic way than we would have otherwise. We find grace where we can.
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Your honesty with T – after giving yourself the time to find your grace, centering yourself – is so wise and rich. The tendency to respond too quickly (IMHO) often results in communication with edges. Often unintended sharpness. I’m always in awe of you and your ability to move through…reflect…and then share with us. Much love, Ab! 💝💝💝
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It is nice to know you can really talk to your son Ab and he listens. How sweet of him to do things to make you happy.😘
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yes, it’s a roller coaster ride for everyone and self care is important for the care givers as well as the one being cared for. it sounds like T really picked up on your need for a little extra grace and care from him and you for yourself. you are all leaning this balance, and this is a very good thing.
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I’m sure in those stressful moments it’s tough to cope with T’s disregulated behaviors and it’s best to step away. I think parents in general can relate on some level to that need for separation for a time. T is making great strides though and I see & hear of his ability every time you write Ab. Even in the short time that I’ve been reading your blog you’ve highlighted the ways that T is maturing and expanding his understanding of others and their needs, along with how he can have either a positive or negative impact in those moments. You and hubby are nurturing an honest, open environment for T to learn how to be a good human while assuring him he will always be loved even in those harder moments. That’s exactly what he needs.
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Ab, it’s so nice that you can/do give yourself grace. I had to learn that foe myself, especially as a parent.
The other great thing that stood out is T’s attempt at trying to reconcile by checking up on you in your room. It shows his growth & that you & the hubby are great parents doing your absolute best. I’m sure you know, it’s OK. Often, we need those times alone, even if only to regroup & calm ourselves. Sending hugs to you all!
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Oh, Ab, this is beautiful: “I told T that life with him feels like a rollercoaster at times, but so long as he’s sitting next to me, we can enjoy the fun highs and get through the chaos and drops together.” While it sounds like he can be a handful at time, it’s touching that T can recognize when he’s perhaps hurt your feelings and offer small gestures to let you know that he noticed his error and is trying to make things right. Grace, indeed.
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