Life as a House

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, Family, FASD, ParentingTags:, , , , , ,

Our T turned 11 earlier this month. How do we have an 11 year old?!

At this age, it’s all about Lego – an activity that he and the hubby enjoy doing by themselves and with each other.

T has long displayed an aptitude for STEM activities, building and figuring things out with marble runs, like Gravitrax, or using things around the house – chairs, pillows, cushions, boxes – to build forts.

His tutor, Ms Karen, says he’s very creative and when he’s interested, he demonstrates focus and perseverance.

I think he has a wonderful and creative imagination.

The past few weeks, he’s gotten up early on his own or shown no protest when we wake him up, so he could work on Lego.

He received Lego house sets for Christmas and his birthday from us and his grandparents.

I like that Lego teaches him to work through frustrations – although there are random moments when a loud scream or table bang would rattle the silence, because he’s stuck on a step.

In fairness to T, these Lego sets are for users 18+ – so he’s doing a great job following the thick manual of instructions on his own.

Life is like a house – built one brick at a time, on a blank foundation.

There are perceived norms we try to follow and moments when we get stuck in frustration.

The biggest lesson in the last 10 years as a family is to focus on progress not perfection.

I love seeing T’s progress with his Lego projects.

A house is a container. It’s the moments inside that animates life with memories: of birthdays, camping trips and roasting hotdogs by the fire, of roadtrips, and so much more.

We’re on the cusp of T’s teen years and I dread what I anticipate will be challenging times.

As T’s aptitude with Lego reminds us, focus on the strengths and build up from them. They’ll provide the foundational support for everything else.

T’s 11th birthday was lowkey.

He was disappointed we didn’t do a party, like we did the year before.

We explained parties are expensive and that his 10th birthday was a milestone year. We’ll do another one when he turns 13 and 16.

The night before his birthday, he sulked and vented about not getting a party nor decorations in the house, as in previous years.

I gave him a reassuring hug before he went to bed and said things will be ok in the morning.

He woke up to balloons taped along the stairway, outside his room, leading up to our foyer closet – with a happy birthday banner and our traditional large shiny number balloons – an 11 this year.

We had pizza and opened presents in the evening and enjoyed a small “rehearsal” cake, just the three of us, as it was a school night.

Later that weekend, we had lunch with family and enjoyed his “real” cake; a Slither-themed chocolate cake with buttercream icing.

He loved it.

48 thoughts on “Life as a House”

  2. This is a great reflection. I am so impressed by T’s patience and perseverance. Could I do that??Shoot. What was your line about the process not perfection? That was a really good one. (Too lazy to scroll back up for it. Lol). Anyhow, happy birthday to him again. That cake looks awesome too. 🙂

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  5. Happy belated birthday to T! I understand his disappointment when he found out that he wouldn’t get the same kind of birthday party he got last year, because there was a time when I felt that too. But growing up means learning to handle disappointments because we can’t get everything we want in life, and that’s okay. He should be proud of having completed that Lego museum!

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    1. Thanks Bama. Yes, that’s exactly what I said – he has to learn to deal with the disappointment of not always getting what he wants! 🙏 I’m so impressed he finished the grown up Lego set.

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  6. Happy 11th birthday to T. I love the house analogy and your support of his interest in building with Legos and the multitude of strengths that come with this.

    It sounds like a wonderful way to start his 11th year.

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  7. I love everything about this, Ab! It’s great that T is engaged with the STEM-type activities. I personally think there’s a special kind brilliance where structure meets design, such as with Lego. ☺️ I don’t know if they even still exist, but I bet T would love K’NEX, if you’re ever looking for something new.

    Happy birthday to T! I hope 11 is an amazing year for him!! Progress over perfection, day after day.

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    1. Thanks Erin. T has Knex as well and does really well with them too. I agree that his brain is especially wired to do these activities and there is a sense of brilliance here to build on. 🙏

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  10. This is such a show-stopper of a statement, Ab…a gorgeous, grounding reminder for folks in so many stages and phases of life:
    “The biggest lesson in the last 10 years as a family is to focus on progress not perfection”…
    Loads of love to all three of you…but you know. Extra hugs for the fabulous one celebrating #11! 💝😊💝

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  11. Happy Birthday to T! A wonderful post and reminder that it takes one brick at a time to create a firm foundation. Growth and learning all along the way for a solid structure in the end.

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  12. Sounds like T had a lovely birthday. Hard to believe he’s already 11! When did that happen!?! Lego is such a fun activity for everyone. Glad to hear T is interested in it and is clearly skilled at it if he’s already completing sets rated 18+. We can spend so much time worrying about the future, but it’s a good reminder to focus on the present and ensure there’s a solid foundation. Enjoy the rest of the week and Family Day long weekend!

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    1. Thanks Linda. I’m watching him on his weekly Saturday morning swim lessons at this very moment and he’s grown so much in skill. A good reminder to focus on the present indeed. 🙏

      Look forward to finally meeting up after all these years! 😊

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  13. You and your partner are wonderful parents to T. I have many happy memories of playing with Lego. (I still want to call them Legos 🤣).

    So many great parenting lessons in this post, Ab, but the big payoff line was, “The biggest lesson in the last 10 years as a family is to focus on progress, not perfection.”

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    1. Thanks Pete. It’s certainly not easy and I’m not always so wonderful but writing provides clarity and reflection. 😊

      I call them Legos too. I didn’t realize it’s permanently singular. 🤣

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  16. it all sounds wonderful and he’s showing quite an aptitude for lego and building. while it can be frustrating, it is engaging him for long periods of time so that’s wonderful. I love on the box that it says for ages up to 99, so you can tell him that he has lots of years yet to go! I love your birthday traditions and how you are building a house/home just like T, and learning and growing as a family as you go. happy birthday to T! (p.s. If you ever end up with a tub of pieces, check out the Brickit app, which will scan what you have and give you suggestions of what you can build with them)

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    1. Thanks Beth. I admittedly had visions of dozens of Lego bricks thrown up in the air in a fit of frustrated rage but he’s pleasantly surprised me. 😊

      Thanks for the Brickit suggestion! I’ll share it with T. 🙏

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      1. it is interesting how it can really go either way. definitely big either way. we often would put it in the room without any picture or directions for the youngest kids because they would get so frustrated if it didn’t look exactly like the picture and we just wanted them to use their imaginations and create. if some of them had a particular affinity for them, wanted to try, or had experience at home with someone and liked to build with pictures and asked for pictures or directions we always gave them to them and they got better and better at it. we took our cues from them. some went back and forth with them, we just moved along with them, but it really was interesting to see that they could hold the attention of some kids who really struggled with attention issues in other areas, for a very long time.

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      2. It really does go to show the human brain and heart are not black and white – and motivation is more nuanced, regardless of ability or disability. 💕

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  17. Happy birthday to T! 11 – that’s amazing. Love your reflection about a house being just a container. You all are doing so much to build so many great memories and foundational skills. Love the way you did up his birthday! Here’s to a great year ahead!

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  20. Gosh, I can’t build that house.🤩😁 My third eldest sister once bought a Lego and I assembled it for an hour and the figure is just so tiny. No way!🤭😁

    Anyway, happy birthday to T. He has a bright future ahead. He excels in STEM and we focus on that area.

    Hugs, Ab.

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