My overall focus for the new year is health and wellbeing.
This extends to T, who moves to middle school this fall, the first step towards adolescence.
A parent’s worry never ends and mine is exacerbated by his FASD diagnosis.
Research shows that adolescents with FASD are at high risk of negative peer influence, impulsive behaviours and mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression.
I get triggered when incidents occur.
T is having a good year at school. But we’ve also had challenges, including the loss of his longstanding CYW (which I’ll detail in a later post).
The schoolyard is host to challenging interactions – some instigated towards T, some by him.
Before Christmas break, T was sent to the principal’s office for kicking a kid and when the principal spoke with him, T had negative self talk and said, “I have no friends, because I’m a jerk.”
These moments crush my heart as a parent. I allow myself to process the complex emotions. Then I focus on things I can control.
T has friends and peers enjoy playing with him. I’ve seen this myself and other adults have shared this.
But self esteem and self perception are inner conversations and battles that caregivers are often not privy to but should be attuned to.
Over Christmas break, I started to read sociologist Jonathan Haidt’s 2024 book, “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.”
Cheerful read, I know. 😂 But it’s a topic of interest and importance; personally as a caregiver and professionally in my work in AI and digital literacy.
Haidt argues that phone-based childhood – and access to social media and virtual elseworlds – has contributed to a rise in mental health issues in adolescence, including anxiety, depression and self harm.
He calls for four reforms that support a healthier childhood in the digital age:
- No smartphones before high school.
- No social media before 16.
- Phone free schools.
- Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence.
Mental wellbeing is a journey
I don’t make specific New Year’s resolutions, because it causes stress and pressure.
I do have broad goals and wishes for each year – and good health and wellbeing for my family is at the top of this year’s list.
I’m aware that wellbeing is a process – of consistency and practice, sorting through the noise and finding things that work for your context, and being gentle with oneself when you stumble.
One of the best decisions we made last year was removing tablet use from T – which has significantly reduced his moodiness and disregulation at home and in public.
This is consistent with Haidt’s findings.
As T enters adolescence, I know there’ll be increased pressure to give him a phone. It’s something we’re going to resist.
We maximize opportunities for physical activity and connection – like swim or soccer lessons, family hikes or playing together, one of T’s favourite pastime with me, his “Everest.”
As T gets older, we try and give more unstructured time – like biking by himself or leaving him to his own whims, device free, at home.
Before the holidays, T started to meet with a psychologist that works with neurodiverse children. She is FASD aware and her research focuses on children and social connection.
We did two sessions in December and will meet monthly moving forward.
She was referred by a trusted peer and I’m very thankful that my work benefits cover this service.
I let the psychologist know our priority is to help T build emotional resilience – as he enters and journeys through adolescence.
It’s too early to know whether this will take flight. If it’s one thing I know in this caregiver journey is that there will always be more questions than answers, but it’s important to keep seeking answers and to try and try again.
My Life With T 
It sounds like you are preparing well for T’s entry into adolescence. I am glad T has you, and always appreciate your compassion for his experience, grounded approach toward supporting him, and ongoing efforts to that end,
I do think the book you have mentioned holds solid information. There truly has been an epidemic in this area.
I am sending you lots of care as you continue this beautiful journey in parenting T.
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Wow, so much wisdom and great caregiving in this post, Ab. I love all the supports you provide for T and your willingness to dig into resources and information to help. I’m with you about the stress of guiding this anxious generation and Haidt has so much great guidance. Thank you sharing your journey – it helps me on mine! Here’s to a great 2026!
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Thanks Wynne. I feel especially thankful for your perspective as our kids are very similar ages. You get it! 💕 It’s definitely anxiety inducing guiding our kids through the anxious generation but I always remind myself to look at the big picture. So much goodness mixed in with the harder things. 🙏 Here’s to a great 2026 for our kids and their caregivers!
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I read The Anxious Generation last year and found it fascinating. My daughters lived through the teenage years in the early days of the smartphone/social media era. We did resist giving them phones until high school but I’m not sure it helped. They both struggled with anxiety as teenagers. For our younger daughter it was debilitating, and we had the struggles of navigating the health care system to get her the support she needed.
And now we have the added challenge of AI to further complicate things…
I’m sorry to hear about you losing T’s CYW. That change is tough when you’ve developed a relationship with someone.
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Thanks Michelle. I’m about 1/3 through the book now and it’s very insightful and eye opening. I do find that it’s very much angled towards neurotypical children and I’d be curious to hear the author’s perspective on how concepts such as in-fragility and risky play are applied to neurodiverse kids.
I am very thankful I grew up in a teenage landscape without social media and smartphones! I can imagine it is so much harder for teen girls, as you noted through your experiences and as reinforced in Haidt’s book as well.
I hope your daughters are doing better now. Adolescence really is a trial by fire!
I agree that AI and algorithms make it so much more insidious – and a lot of the work that I’m doing around AI literacy reinforces that AI is not just a digital literacy issue but also one that concerns democracy, wellbeing and social connection. I’m hoping to get Haidt for an event my team is planning this year. 🙂
Enjoy your new year. The weather has not been walking friendly this week!
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Yes, teenage girls have always played the comparison game, but social media just magnifies it and makes it too easy for trolls to fuel insecurities.
Thankfully my girls survived and are doing well now, but it was tough.
The AI work you’re doing sounds fascinating and very much needed!
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Wishing you and your family all the best in 2026, Ab! I think fostering emotional resilience is a goal think to work toward. You’re right that there will always be more questions than answers and, even if T’s teen years a little bumpy, knowing his dads will always be a safe place to land at the end of the dad with surely make a world of difference. ❤️
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Thanks Erin! The teen years will be bumpy, no doubt, but we’re hopeful the will have a safe and good landing in the long run. Really appreciate the kind encouragement! 😁💕
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I wish you the best in this journey Ab. The oldest grand here is impacted by a variety of neuro diverse traits, has had ups and downs since the family came to Colorado a few years ago, and the process will be lifelong as you know. I have not read this book but have found information that highlights the same impacts and recommendations. I stand a bit removed as the grandparent but know the struggles, decisions by parents, actions by the child and outside influences are often overwhelming, inconsistent and misunderstood. Emotional rollercoaster is my best description… Know that I see and understand your struggles and joys with T and applaud the decisions you make to support your families health and wellbeing.
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Thanks Deb. I really appreciate the kind words. I know our family and T are not the only ones navigating these challenges. It is lifelong, as you said, and can be overwhelming as a parent and as the child struggling. The empathy from kind others, such as yourself, is always appreciated! 😁💕
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Thank you for this – I will share it with my kids – it’s an important message. I amsure they will NOT read the uplifting book, but your takeaways are enough to prompt them to take pause about devices in their home. I see the same behaviors in some of my grandchildren (one with ADHD). As always, you teach in a compassionate, non-judgmental way, and I appreciate you and your message – V
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Thanks Vickie! Happy new year and hope you are having a good trip, wherever you are. The travel looked rough!
Hope your kids and family find the nuggets of info helpful. It’s definitely a problem for our younger generation! 🙏
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Haidt’s book is powerful and your approach, my friend, to allow yourself to feel all that comes as you parent T…but then pivot to what you can control sounds so wise. And finding great resources and reads is your specialty – along with the natural sharing and community building you do. Cheers to you, Ab! ❤️❤️❤️
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Thanks for the encouragement and kindness as always, Vicki! 💕 It’s been a fantastic book and so eye opening. Sharing and community building are so important in helping others and reminder myself that this is a shared journey and experience. 🙏
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You tugged at my heart reading about T’s challenges. Middle school and high school are difficult for both the kids and parents. I should have visited you on New Year’s, as always, your food looks amazing!
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Thanks Diane. I know and I am comforted in knowing I’m not the only one on this journey. I do feel hopeful that things will be ok. 🙏 I’ve been off last week and this week and have spent a lot of time cooking. Will be sure to share an update in the future. Like you, cooking is my therapy. Happy new year! 🎆
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I know some teachers love teaching middle school, but to me, it’s one of the hardest ages for children. First, their bodies are going through significant changes, and some kids can be downright mean at that age. Kids who stand out, for whatever reason, can become targets, especially from other kids who may themselves be suffering from low self-esteem. That’s where a strong, caring administration is critical, because they set the tone for the school environment. I would visit potential junior highs in advance and meet with the principal and counselor. It’s heartbreaking, especially as a parent, to hear your child feeling bad about himself. I’m sure you and your husband do a great job of highlighting his positive traits. The more positive things he hears about himself, the more likely he is to develop a better self-image.
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Thanks Pete. I always appreciate your thoughtful perspective as a teacher and kind wise advise as a parent. I agree that middle school is a hard age – for reasons you stated relates to bullying – and kudos to teachers who thrive in that environment.
We’re arranging a site visit to the feeder school for my son and hopefully it works out for him. And also looking at alternate options too. I agree that a strong and caring administration will be key. 🙏
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Happy 2006! You have an incredible ability for self reflection and clarity, but that aside, middle school? Already?
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Thanks Margie. Time does fly, doesn’t it? T was only in JK when I started this blog. Hard to believe at times that grade 6 is around the corner. Happy 2026 indeed! 😁
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Happy NewYear, AB! You are always so in tune with your son’s needs. I really admire that! Thank you for sharing the book and your insights. As a teacher, I’ve seen these changes in our younger generation all too closely. However, this school year, the state outlawed student use of cell phones, headphones,smart watches etc. while school is in session. And while it definitely has been an adjustment for all….(especially parents!), I’ve really seen positive changes!
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Happy new year, Belle. It is always nice to hear from you! 💕 I appreciate your kind words and so good to hear your perspective as an educator. I am in full agreement with the no phones and devices policies in school. And I’m heartened to hear you are seeing positive changes in your classrooms!
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“If it’s one thing I know in this caregiver journey is that there will always be more questions than answers, but it’s important to keep seeking answers and to try and try again.” I totally agree with this. In life, the decisions we make might not always be the best ones, or the most optimum, but we keep learning and figuring things out along the way. The part where T said he has no friends because he’s a jerk really breaks my heart. It must have been even more crushing for you to hear that. But it’s good that he gets to celebrate many moments with you too, including the New Year’s Eve dinner.
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Thanks Bama. I remember how hard the teen years were and so I can empathize with T as he navigates emotions in an inner world that finds emotions hard. 🙏 I also believe in lifelong learning and appreciate the hard lessons that come along with this journey. Happy new year and hope you had a good one too! 💕
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I agree with no social media or phone before high school. I’m happy if my nephew and niece have playtime outside or inside with no screen. We know how beneficial it is to them. I’m against introducing them to socials but they started watching now. The limit is needed for it. All the best for T stepping into middle school. I have faith he will make friends and can get along. Hugs, Ab. Lovely photos.
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Thanks Hazel. Your nephew and niece have such a great environment to thrive in their childhood. More outdoor play and device time will be so beneficial to them. Despite the challenges, I am hopeful for the middle school years ahead! 🙏
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Thankfully, they have the outdoors nearby. My pleasure always, Ab. Enjoy your night.
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Health and wellbeing to all of you in 2026. The year is off to a good start with your hotpot supper!
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Thank you AnneMarie. Good food and company do help set a positive tone for the year ahead! 💕
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Thank you for sharing. We wish you all a good new year. And our best wishes to T.
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Thank you Lakshimi. Have a happy good new year as well! 🎆
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