The Season of Connection

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, Christmas, FASD, gratitude, growth mindset, Parenting, wellbeingTags:, , , , , , , ,

If I told you I hate Christmas, you would understand.

Christmas 2020: Ma was in the hospital after suffering a stroke. It was the pandemic winter, no vaccines, only one visitor allowed. I visited her daily, stressed out I was going to get her sick or that I was going to get COVID and bring it home.

Christmas 2022: After having Ma over for lunch, we took my sister, who had terminal cancer, to the hospital. She passed away four days later.

Christmas 2023: In the early hours of the day, I booked a last minute flight to the Philippines to be with Ma in the hospital. She was suffering from grief and didn’t want to live. She passed away two weeks later; seven weeks after my close friend, Jenny, passed away after a battle with cancer.

But I don’t hate Christmas. I love what the season means for our 10-year-old and to experience the wonder of the season through T’s eyes.

The past few years have made me value the true meaning of Christmas: connecting with loved ones.

The first weekend of school break, we met up with T’s foster family for bowling and lunch. It’s lovely to see the bond still strongly present between T, his foster parents and brother.

On Christmas Eve, we had dinner at my uncle’s and I noticed how much smaller the party was. I felt my mom’s presence, as if she was still in the living room couch, dozing off as she often did.

T’s favourite Uncle J kept him company, including showing T my uncle’s guitar – pictured at top.

I noted to myself the party size was going to become even smaller the next few years – and to enjoy each other while we can.

I emailed Jenny’s mom a Christmas greeting, as the holidays are hard for those grieving loved ones, and she asked if I could send her photos of Jenny. It made me sad to think about her loss but also made me happy to fulfill her request.

A few days later, we had my uncle’s family over for lunch at our home.

This year, more than others, I’m acutely aware of the gift of time spent together over material things.

I’m looking forward to catching up with friends during my time off work, while T is in daycare or back at school.

For my team at work, in lieu of the usual gift card, I took them out for a holiday dinner – as we are often so busy at work that getting to enjoy a meal together is wonderful.

For my school friends, I made a donation to the Surrey Place, a charity near and dear to my heart, in lieu of cards and chocolate – which my calorie conscious friends often complain about. 😂

But there’s still one person for whom opening presents are something to look forward to.

On Christmas morning, T’s school alarm woke us up early.

Watching T open the gifts from us, his grandparents, our family and friends, his tutor and CYW, and “Santa” felt soul-nourishing.

The part of me that didn’t grow up with gifts felt that T was being spoiled but I also knew this was fleeting and to enjoy his childhood.

After opening gifts, T had chocolate Whoppers for breakfast with TV, the hubby curled up with his gift, the novel Heated Rivalry, and I went back to bed and slept till 3:30 in the afternoon.

I could not have asked for a more relaxing holiday season and I feel thankful for the moments of connection with loved ones, T and myself.

I hope you all enjoyed a wonderful Christmas and holidays as well. 🎄💕

58 thoughts on “The Season of Connection”

  2. Gosh, I’m sorry for those rough Christmases in the past. And it’s sad knowing your family gatherings will be getting smaller. Thank goodness for the gift of T. Very sweet that the day brings such excitement for him. And finally, your tree is stunning.

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    1. Thanks Betsy. They were rough Christmases but also a sad part of life. This Christmas was much better. Hope you and your loved ones had a nice one too and nice to see you back on WordPress! 🎄🎆

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  3. We associate memories with events. I am glad you could create memories with T. Yes, a part of your memory would be hard and not to be forgotten but this memory with T is something special.

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    1. Thanks Ganga. I know you know this when I say that life is best experienced in its entirety – the good and the bad. I hope you and the family continue to enjoy the holidays. It looked like a great one! 🎄🎆

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  4. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Ab. I love your feeling of your mom’s presence – like she was napping on the couch. It reminds me that presence can be felt in so many different ways. Your intentionality and thoughtfulness is so beautiful. I love that your ability to enjoy Christmas even though it comes with some hard memories of stress and sadness.

    Wishing you all a fabulous 2026!!

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    1. Thanks Wynne. We do feel our loved ones and their presence at all times, especially during the holiday longing. I know you can relate with your dad.

      I hope you and the kids had a wonderful Christmas and holidays. 🎄 I know Cooper did! 💕

      Wishing you all the best in the year ahead! 🎆

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    1. Thank you, Serena. 💕 Loss certainly makes us appreciate life and to be present. I hope you and your family had a nice Christmas and holidays and happy new year! 🎄🎆

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  7. Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal and heartfelt reflection. 💕 It’s beautiful to see how, even through the pain of loss and difficult Christmases, you’ve found the true meaning of the season in connection, love, and presence. Watching T experience the wonder of the holidays sounds absolutely soul-nourishing, and your emphasis on time spent together over material things is such an important reminder for all of us. Your story really captures the bittersweet beauty of life and the importance of cherishing the people we love.

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    1. Thank you very much for your kind and encouraging comment. I hope you two enjoyed your holidays and Christmas as newlyweds as well. Wishing you both the best in the new year ahead with your new adventures! 😊🎄

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  9. “I could not have asked for a more relaxing holiday season and I feel thankful for the moments of connection with loved ones, T and myself.” Now that sounds like a Christmas well-spent!!! I’m sorry you’ve had some sad Christmas’ Ab. Those are definitely some tough memories. Hopefully the new ones and others in the future help imprint happier memories for your family and you!!!! Thanks for the wise post!!!!

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    1. Thanks Brian. The sadness illuminates and gives context and appreciation for the many more moments of joy. 😊 Hope you enjoyed your holidays and Christmas with your kids! 🎄

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  10. Despite all the sadness and loss you’ve had to deal with in December over the past few years, glad to hear you still enjoy Christmas. Your tree looks beautiful by the way. Sounds like you’ve been busy this past week spending time with family and friends. It’s funny how we notice things a bit differently as we get older – like how our family gatherings will eventually become smaller and smaller. A sad thought, but a good reminder to cherish these moments as much as we can. Glad to hear you had a wonderful Christmas. Enjoy the rest of the holidays!

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    1. Thanks Linda. The holidays make me now appreciate that everything is temporary, the good and the bad, and to enjoy the present.

      I do love our tree. It’s all hubby and T. I don’t get involved and stay out of the way. 🤣

      I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and holidays and that M had a nice time most of all. Enjoy your new years ahead. Look forward to hearing about your travel adventures ahead! 🎄

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      1. We did! We’re all feeling a bit under the weather though and will likely have a quiet evening tonight. We’re heading to Point Pelee tomorrow though for a few days and I’m hoping the fresh air will work wonders. Plus the exercise is much needed after all the holidays sweats and treats!

        Have a happy New Year!

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      2. I hope you all get well soon. Point Peele sounds like a great way to recharge. We’re doing a roadtrip tomorrow to check out filming locations for Heated Rivalry. 😂 Happy new years!

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  11. It is understandable why Christmas is tough for you. I am glad that you get to see the holidays through T’s eyes and have some fun times while creating wonderful memories.

    I like your gift choices – very thoughtful and meaningful. I normally have a hard time coming with gifts.

    As you said, what matters is the connection, love and the remembrance of loved ones that are no longer here.

    Blessings!

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    1. Thanks Ana. Christmas has become an interesting holiday for me but most importantly, it reminds me that everything is temporary, good and bad, and to enjoy the present. I hope you and your loved ones had a good holidays and Christmas too! 🎄

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  12. You’ve been through a lot these past few years, Ab. But I’m happy to see how the future makes you even more conscious of the time we spend with our loved ones today. Seeing T’s happy face when he opened the presents must have filled your heart. I hope you enjoy the rest of the holidays!

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    1. Thanks Bama. I’m ever so mindful that everything in life is temporary, both the good and the bad, and to enjoy the present. 😊 Hope you had a nice holidays and Christmas with loved ones too! 🎄

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  15. I love this ab, your understanding of the joy that this holiday brings to T, in spite of all of the loss and sadness you still associate with this holiday, is powerful. his joy is what helps you to get through the pain and brings joy back to your heart, knowing it feels differently to him, and that it is so very important to have the positive memories with those you love and who love you. you choosing to give the gifts of time and charity to your colleagues and school friends is also wonderful .

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    1. Thanks Beth. The loss is hard to process and never really goes away. You just become better at processing it. But seeing T experience the holidays feels very healing. 😊 I hope you had a nice Christmas and holiday with your loved ones!

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      1. this is true, ab. and you’ve certainly had more than your share of it at the holiday time. that’s why we are so lucky to have the generations after us, to apprentice the joy in the holidays anew and we can experience the joy through them. I’ve had a great holiday, thanks, ab.

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  16. Oh, Ab, my heart is breaking reading this. Sending love and hugs your way in this challenging season. 💕

    I’ve reached the same conclusion as you about the gift of time spent together trumping over material things. Though, I also shower the little ones in my life with gift because I think it’s a special experience.

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  18. I love the encouragement you and hubby give to T at this time of year to remember how important it is to share friendship and love with others. You are giving him a gift in learning the importance to care for others Ab.

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    1. Thanks Deb. We’re trying our best an hopefully the lessons, important ones at least, sink in with T! 😊 Hope you and your loved ones enjoyed your holidays and Christmas!

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  19. I happy you shared this Ab, one of the many reasons I think of you often as well as keep you in my prayer. Especially regarding this season and remembering what you’ve shared previously about your mom & sister.

    So glad that you can feel your mom’s presence and choose to enjoy the holidays for you & T. Still being able to connect with the foster family is a blessing & you’re post are a continuous blessing for me.

    Thank you dearly for being here!

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    1. Thanks Tammy. The holidays and Christmas to me ultimately are about connection with loved ones and taking the time to remember those no longer with us. I really appreciate your kind comment and for checking in and for your prayers. I hope you and your loved ones enjoyed your holidays and Christmas! 😊

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  20. Hiiii Ab – it’s been a minute:) This is Danielle from the daily addict 💖My blog was hacked a few months ago so now my URL is different.
    Anyways – I can’t believe T is 10! Wowza – and the gifts of gratitude that you have in your heart are coming through loud and clear – have a great holiday season and to presence in the new year 💖💖💖

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    1. Hi Danielle, it’s so nice to hear from you. Very sorry to hear about your blog and thanks for the heads up about your new account. I will check it out.

      Hope you and your loved ones had a nice holidays and Christmas! 😊

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  21. Oh, Ab…so beautifully expressed and your conclusion…your growing awareness and appreciation for the gift of time and togetherness. Brought tears to my eyes. Sending all my love. ❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Thanks Vicki. The gift of time and togetherness. So beautiful said and it’s what matters in the long run. Hope you and your loved ones, and all the beautiful backyard friends, had a nice holidays and Christmas! 🎄🐿️

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  22. I totally get it, having lost my father days before Christmas (in 1993). Losing a loved one during the Christmas Season changes Christmas forever as well as changing us forever – both for the better in many ways. Hugs to you for your losses, and Bravo for how far you have come. Have a great rest of your holidays, Ab. 💞

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    1. Thanks AnneMarie. I’m sorry about your father. The timing of your loss definitely makes Christmas hit harder each year. The memory never fades away, both the happy ones and the pain. Hope you and your loved ones had a nice holidays and Christmas! 😊

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