Stories and personal testimony can inform, inspire and be a lifeline to someone.
December 1 marks the fourth anniversary of this blog and my first post, introducing T’s prognosis and our family.
I started my blog as a way to process my thoughts on the FASD parenting journey and to raise awareness and advocate for a little known and often misunderstood disability.
Thank you to everyone who provides community; you are a lifeline to this parent who tries his best every day for our little guy with great potential.
Writing on this blog reminds me about the importance of stories.
Stories help raise awareness and bridge our differences.
Last Friday, after weeks of planning between T’s teacher and the FASD Coordinator from the Surrey Place, the latter visited T’s class.
She spoke about physical and invisible disabilities, including FASD and ADHD – through reading a book, a writing and drawing activity, whole class discussions, and lastly, a game.
In an update to parents, T’s super supportive teacher shared that “the purpose is to educate the class about unique needs in the classroom, how we can be more inclusive and understanding, and what that could look like for those students in the class (e.g. extra time or support needed).”
T’s CYW said the class was very engaged and asked great questions – and T shared how he’s sometimes affected by sensory inputs.
The hubby and I sent a note to T’s principal, teacher, CYW and librarian (see below) to thank them for raising awareness, understanding and empathy – and that their school is a model that others should follow.
Stories help people see themselves and validate their lived experiences.
After I did my co-deputation to the school board in September, T’s CYW suggested bringing in a speaker for the class as well reading stories about FASD and invisible disabilities to the class.
With T’s principal’s support, the school librarian reached out to the hubby and I for suggestions of books to add to their library.
I reached out to CanFASD, FASD United and Surrey Place for suggestions and sent a wonderful consolidated list to the librarian, who ordered the three books pictured above:
- “Invincible, Not Invisible: FASD is Not the Boss of Me!” By Elizabeth Redhead Kriston
- “My Life with ADHD“ by Mari Schuh
- “A Case of the Zaps” by Alex Boniello and April Lavalle
The books arrived last week and the librarian – who was T’s awesome kindergarten teacher – let T have first dibs on them.
We read the books over the weekend and T asked if he also has ADHD and I said yes – and that’s why he takes medication and needs extra supports in the class, like the character in the book.
We liked all three books and ordered copies for T’s personal collection.
Stories provide encouragement.
This week, we said goodbye to the staff that ran T’s after school program.
She had only been with the school for two months but made an impact.
We are always forthcoming with T’s diagnosis and she shared that her son has ADHD and we had conversations about our shared challenges and strategies.
It was helpful to have someone who worked with T that understood him as a parent too.
So we were sad when she decided she wanted a different career path.
On her last day, she gave each student a gift bag – and for T, she included a lovely note from her and her son, a year older than T:
“From my son to yours,
‘I like cars because they are fast but what’s most important is they are all different.
You could say all cars are made the same but drive different down the freeway.
Every car has faults that’s no one to blame, like me and you. We are different but one of the same. Aren’t we just different by name?
So T, when some make fun of you for being different, just remember this. We say to you: they are not angry, because you are different; they are angry because you are authentically you.
You’re awesome, T!’”
Stories remind us of where we came from and shine a light on the path ahead.
After my close friend Jenny passed away recently, I spent time looking at old photos of our friends.
I then spent time reminiscing through photos of T, from when we first met and adopted him at age 1 through to present day at 8.
So many wonderful memories of playing at the park, birthdays, Halloween costumes, Christmas mornings, family roadtrips and vacations – and all the small stuff that seem so much bigger today.
I also revisited old blog posts and quickly saw the patterns of ups and downs – and everything in between.
It was a good reminder that life is cyclical – things do get hard on this FASD journey, but we got this, because we have each other… and there have been far more good than hard.
Most importantly, T’s story is larger than FASD; his life will be bigger than FASD.
Thank you for following along and I look forward with hope, heart and humour at the continued journey ahead with our T.
Photo at top: Camping at Bon Echo Provincial Park when T was 3.
My Life With T 
As someone who always knew they’d adopt, I am really looking forward to following your continuation of the story you and your family have created.
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Thank you. That’s very kind of you to say. Always happy to chat about our respective adoption journey if you want. Best wishes!
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That’s a lovely offer. I’m not looking into adoption now, for a number of reasons mainly mental health, but would love to pass on your blog (and opportunity to chat) to people around me, who may be looking into adoption. Realized my first comment wasn’t exactly clear in the wording.
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Stories do matter and what a beautiful note T received 🤩
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It was a lovely note indeed. We’re very thankful for good people in his life.
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Stories are truly the best thing ever!
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Thank you Claire! They truly are. 😊
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Have you ever heard the song Sail by AWOLNATON? It’s about getting a life-changing diagnosis, which in the singer’s case is ADD
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I have not. I am going to look it up! Thank you. 🙂
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You’re welcome. Feel free to share it with other parents who have a child with special needs or with people who have had a life-changing diagnosis!
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The love that you have for this child – and to all who help guide him is remarkable. You continuously nourish him and his environment such goodness and appreciation that it will be immeasurable how far all of that has reached.
From all of the staff that work with him and all of the kind people that encounter your family….YOU ARE CHANGING THIS WORLD.
Thank you kindly 🙏❤️💖🌈
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Thank you, Danielle, for your very kind comment. It’s a wonderful boost to read on this gray Tuesday morning. This journey can be hard but it’s easy to love and want to do right by our T. 😊💕
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Congratulations on 4 years of blogging, and also for enlightening us on FASD.
You are making a difference in T’s life, your school and community – kudos for that!
I am glad you have been finding support with the school and staff – may the right people always come your way!
Great pictures! A blessed holiday season to you and your family!
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Thank you Ana for your very kind comment. 😊 A blessed holiday season to you and your family too. Are you still in Brazil?
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Congrats on four years of blogging. And it’s fantastic to hear about how you’ve been helping T’s school raise awareness and more of an understanding about FASD. That was very sweet of the staff who ran T’s after school program to give each student a gift bag, which included a little something special for T.
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Thanks Linda. 😊 I’m glad we became blogging friends through a mutual love for the outdoors. And best wishes on getting to December. How are you feeling?! When do you get off work? Wishing you three all the best!
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Me too!! And now that we’ll be parents soon, I’ll definitely be taking a page out of your book in trying to be more patient.
This is actually my last week of work before I start my maternity leave. I find work has been a good distraction and it prevents me from just lounging on the couch all day and watching all those terrible Hallmark Christmas movies on Netflix. I am so ready to not being pregnant anymore! And I can’t wait to meet our little one. Could be any day now.
Hope you’re all ready for the holiday season. All we need is some snow now!
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How exciting! I hope you take the full alloweable leave and enjoy every moment with your little one. 😊
And enjoy those horrible Hallmark movie because you’re gonna be watching Paw Patrol a lot very soon.
Good luck to you and K in this exciting new chapter ahead!!!
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Happy 4th blogging anniversary Ab. I hope you hold your head proud for all the accomplishments you have made with T and with how you are making a difference.
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Thank you Diane! 😊 I’m glad we became blogging friends early on in the journey! Who knew we had more in common than just a love for cooking!
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You make me feel like I still haven’t retired reading all about T. I truly enjoy being blogging friends Ab!
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I really appreciate your advice through your work experience. It feels validating!
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I’m a special needs teacher aide in Australia & have been reading your wonderful blog for about 2 years now. Just wanted you to know you are making a difference far & wide.
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Hi Carol, thank you for following along for the journey. I read your comment last night and it brought a big smile to my face. It’s amazing to think of the community going through similar and intersecting journeys together around the world.
And thank you for all the work that you are doing to make the world a better place for kids like T, their families and the community.
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T is lucky to have all this support system in place, and he is lucky to have you and your husband as his parents. He might not understand this now, but one day I’m sure he will. Happy blog anniversary! Your stories really have changed my perspective, Ab. I don’t see “unruly” kids they way I did anymore, and when I can, I will tell people about FASD so they will be less judgmental.
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Thanks Bama. 😊 We are so lucky indeed. I appreciate your kind comments and knowing I did my part to change your perspective. And I’m glad to learn about a different part of the world through your stories!
I will say though that some kids are just assholes, not cuz they’re disabled. 😆😂 I’ve met a few. But it’s still good to have empathy, yes! 😇
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Lol! 😆
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Hope, heart and humor – what we all need for our journeys through this life! And what you exemplify so well in your advocacy and realness about parenting. Love this post about stories because I have learned so much from yours. I’m so grateful that blogging has given me the opportunity to meet you all, Ab!
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Thanks Wynne. I am thankful we met through this blogging journey and I too have enjoyed and learned so much from your own parenting journey. 😊
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These photos when they were so young just show how far they have come already. So many memories made. So many wonderful stories.
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Thanks Gary. I do love the photos for the very reasons you said. 😊🙏
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Happy Anniversary! I loved your post and especially the note from the teacher and her son. WOW! Brilliant words! You are making a difference not only to T but to your community. Congratulations –
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Thanks Vickie. I love that we share an anniversary – although yours has much more substance! 😊 I am very thankful we met through the blogging community two years ago. Time flies!
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Everything about this post was so touching, Ab. It’s wonderful that T is being brought up in such an understanding and supportive community–parents, teachers, peers at school, and beyond–and, yes, T’s life will be so much bigger bigger than FASD.
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Thank you Erin. We are so lucky for the community that we have. And I have to remember to focus on that. 😊🙏
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“Stories remind us where we came from and shine a light on the path ahead.” Yes, yes, yes! And thank you so much, Ab, for sharing your life with T with us. The work you’re doing to parent and promote awareness and love – especially related to invisible disabilities – makes my heart sing. Grateful to you. It’s a pleasure to have met you here in blogging-land. 💕
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Thank you Vicki for hopping on the journey. 😊 Likewise, it’s been nice getting to know your story too. The stories you’ve shared about your sister remind me there’s a larger community out there.
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I feel that from you as well! 😉
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T is one lucky young man to have the parents and the support system he has, and you, my friend, are an awesome parent. I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my youngest son, Clifford. Clifford was born in 1977 with profound brain damage, the cause remains a mystery. Although he lived to the age of 32, he never learned to feed himself, use the potty, or speak. He died in 2019, and it might seem his life was tragic to some, but he was the happiest person … always had a smile or a laugh. I don’t know why I just told you that, but … somehow it seemed apt. Hugs
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Thank you, Jill, for sharing the story about Clifford. I am sorry for your loss. It seems to me that you have the happiest of memories of his smile and laugh – and I am glad that is how you remember him and I hope those memories bring you continued comfort. 💕🙏
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This post is so real and so beautiful Ab! The love and joy that is your family comes through fully, as does the pride you have in being T’s parent. You 3 are awesome and I hope as life moves ahead you will continue to write on this blog. I cannot wait to read about where your family will go in the future.
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Thank you Deb. It’s funny to think about all that’s happened since I started this blog. Little did I know then that the pandemic was right around the corner!
I too am looking forward to seeing what the future holds. 😆😊🙏
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Beautifully expressed Ab!
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Thank you Tammy. I hope you are doing well. Thinking of your latest post and sending my best.
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