Playing the Cards You’re Dealt

Focusing on what you can control in challenging situations can lead to positive outcomes.

When I was in high school, I loved to play a card game called Big 2. Also called Chinese Poker, it has similar game play as poker; 2 is the highest card, followed by Ace, King, Queen, Jack then 10 to 3.

I will never forget one game with 3 friends when my hand of 13 cards had no power card and my highest card was a 10. I played with what I had and surprised myself with a win.

I thought about this game while I watched last week’s episode of the sitcom Abbott Elementary; the teachers set up a temporary school at a shuttered mall because their school closed due to an unexpected ruptured furnace.

In this imaginative start to a continuing story arc, the teachers turned an awful predicament into a magical situation for the kids. I mean, who wouldn’t love the idea of a mall school?!

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Radical acceptance recognizes that while pain is part of life, by accepting the facts of reality, it can avoid turning pain into suffering.

I learned this term last fall and it describes how I try to approach life as a special needs caregiver.

There are facts I can’t control – FASD is lifelong; T has challenges with regulation, executive functioning, impulsivity and focus; judgment from others; T losing his longstanding CYW support.

I can focus on the cards in my hands: T’s many strengths; the champions within his school and our community; my ability to advocate and speak up.

I’m speaking from my lived experience and recognize that every experience is different.

Grieving is part of my journey. I experience sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger and worry when my house of cards come tumbling down through setbacks and challenges.

I try to not get stuck in these moments and focus on what I can control. It allows me to move forward.

Last Spring, T’s teacher let us know he was behind in his reading comprehension and was assessed at a Grade 2 level in his Grade 4 year.

I felt all those lovely feelings of I’m not doing enough.

The hubby and I looked into a tutor for T and Ms Karen has been a godsend.

She started T on chapter books last summer and yesterday, T finished the 20th and final book in the Bad Guys series, ahead of his March Break goal.

Ms Karen gave him a gift and told him he’s her first student to get a reward for finishing a reading goal.

Considering he wasn’t a reader a year ago, and still needs encouragement to do so, we’re very proud of T for reaching his milestone! 💕

There are many other things we still need to work on with and for T – the cards in our figurative hand that don’t come across as the strong cards.

But we’ll hopefully get there with persistence, patience, creativity and humour.