Win as a Team

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, FASD, growth mindset, love, Parenting, wellbeingTags:, , , , ,

Watching our 9-year-old T enjoy soccer lessons reminds me of why we work as a team.

T is halfway through his first round of lessons and it’s been a fun Sunday morning family routine.

The hubby and I signed our soccer fan up for these free lessons offered at a City-run recreation centre to help him build social connection, to learn how to play well with others and to have fun.

It’s amusing watching the kids play, because as a whole, they can all benefit from honing their team work skills – disability or otherwise!

Kids kicking the ball aimlessly or not passing and playing together. I chuckled when one of the goalies left their post so they could try to score a goal on the other side themselves! 😂

There are a few kids who are quite good and during a recent game, they all ended up on the same team.

T watched them play another team and when it was his team’s turn to play this well-coordinated team, he said out loud, “Our team is cooked!” 😆

And as he predicted, the other team won – although T scored his first-ever goal during this game and I cheered quite loudly!

On the drive home, we told T it’s important to work as a team and that means spreading out, each person playing a role, passing the ball and keeping an eye out for an open teammate. Because when one person scores the goal, the entire team wins.

Like soccer, teamwork is essential for families, especially one navigating complex special needs, such as fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

It’s crucial the hubby and I work together, especially during challenging moments, because this life is exhausting.

He’s made so many gains in swimming.

Working as a team includes dividing roles at home: I do groceries with T and cook, the hubby cleans; I do math homework, the hubby does French; we take turns driving T to swim lessons on Saturday mornings; the hubby does school drop off, I do pickup on days I work from home. And so on.

When one of us is having a hard time with T, often me, we tag out and the other covers. It’s like guarding our goal posts, the reserve of energy and sanity required to get through this wild ride.

Just like dysfunction can ruin a team’s chances, caring for loved ones with FASD can cause family dysfunction and chaos that feel destabilizing.

I can see why relationships are tested by this caregiving journey and I have even more compassion for those doing this on their own.

But you dig deep and remind yourself why you want to get through these moments – the child that you love – because when you play as a team, you win as a team.

During T’s most recent soccer lessons, he’s taken up the defender role, staying close to the goal post, and we noticed he is passing the ball more and looking for an open colleague first.

One of his teammates scored a winning goal and he cheered loudly with a big wide smile. But not as loudly as his Papa cheered.

Doing his soccer drills.

36 thoughts on “Win as a Team”

  3. The reason you two are so successful with T is because you work together so well by sharing the load. Times are so challenging having kids that have a disability. I remember my clients parents excitement when I took their adult child out for a few hours or they went overnight for some relief. You have so much wisdom in just 9 challenging years Ab. The parents rarely did or went anywhere here because it was easier. Hold your head high for all you both do for T!

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    1. Thanks Diane. It’s very funny you say the relief you felt from your clients. We definitely feel the same way when we get a few hours of quiet in the home. 😂 It is very challenging on some days but we thankfully do find a way to get through each bump on the road. 💕 Encouragement from near and far, such as yours, certainly help a lot! 🙏

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  7. Thank you for this, Ab. What a beautiful testament to the importance of collaboration, mutuality, love and respect. I think this might be one of my all-time favorite posts. Xo! 🥰❤️🥰

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  8. I love this, Ab! And I’m still chuckling about the goalie leaving his post. Love that T scored! I’m also I’m also smiling that T goes grocery shopping with you now. I remember that first time he offered and your internal response… 🙂

    You are so right that teamwork is so important. Even for me as a single parent, I rely so much on the impressions of teachers and Senseis to help guide me. Then there are sometimes that you just guard the goal and let everything else go… 🙂

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    1. Thanks Wynne. I couldn’t believe that goalie! 😆 It’s fun to watch every kid want to have the glory of scoring a goal and joyful to see when it clicks to them they when they work as a team, they each win as a team.

      Grocery is our Sunday routine now and it’s mostly fun and he’s ever so helpful! I do have a grocery related post coming one day. 😊

      I can see how teachers and Senseis help you out. Love how they are part of your children’s community!

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  9. It’s wonderful to hear that your community offers free soccer lessons. Yay for T for scoring his first goal. Even better that it was against the really good team. You know what they say, teamwork makes the dream work. It’s great that you and the hubby have a good system when it comes to doing things around the house and handling T. I honestly have no idea how people raise a kid (or kids) on their own! My mother did it with four girls. I have so much more of an appreciation for her now that I’m a parent myself.

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    1. Thanks Linda. We’re pretty lucky that Toronto Parks and Rec have lots of great programs. Registration is always so stressful though cuz it’s like the hunger games to get a spot. 😆 Hopefully Baby M can find and get into similar programs that she enjoys too!

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      1. Apparently it’s like that in Georgetown too. We plan to put baby M in the next round of swimming lessons this winter and I have an alarm set on my phone for a few minutes before registration opens. It reminds me of trying to book a campsite during the summer!!

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  11. I love how you draw parallels between the lessons T learn and your caregiving journey. I remember my late mom once said, along her journey of raising me, she herself also learned so many things. Kudos to T for scoring a goal! I’m sure he will forever remember this. When I scored my first ever goal in any sports I have played (I was playing field hockey at that time), I was so excited I will never forget that feeling.

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    1. Thank you Bama! 😊 That’s a lovely memory you shared of your mom. 💕 Those happy memories, like your field hockey days, last and are carried into your adulthood.

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  12. Amazing lessons, Ab! Along with everything T is learning about teamwork and cooperation, I’m glad you and your husband have a good system with a division of responsibilities and a willingness to tag out and cover one another. That’s so important in any relationship, and I’m sure especially so with a high-energy little boy! 😆

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  13. Gosh, I love your posts, Ab. They are filled with experiences in child-rearing we can relate to, many important life lessons, and, above all, love. You’re scoring goals in all these categories! Bravo to T for his first soccer goal. That’s huge!!!

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  14. So great. Such good lessons. And I agree; I don’t know how single parents manage. We have four kids, so a zone defense is our strategy. 😉 I totally get it about losing patience and needing the other parent to tag in. Yep! Wonderful that T is learning important life skills. Meanwhile, I’m teaching my kids how to run red lights. 😛 {Facepalm}

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    1. Thanks Betsy! I kinda imagine you have a cage at home and just let the kids fight it out on the mat like you do with your peers at the dojo. 😆 Oh, I’ve run red lights too and unfortunately one with a camera and got fined for it weeks later. T will never let me live that done down!

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      1. Oh man! Bummer about the red light. I drove my son and daughter (coming to help out) to the school’s Mother/Son Hoedown. Twice I was at a left-turn red light with nary a soul in sight, so I just went. The first, I just barely missed the green. The second was near home and notoriously looooooonnnngggg in changing color. So, yeah. In front of my two youngest children. Stellar mom. My daughter said, “Wow, two.” I said, “I know. Banner night!”

        I’m waiting for my Mom of the Year award to arrive in the mail.

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  15. this is such a hopeful and positive post. I love when t said, ‘our team is cooked!’ you’re right when you say that these team activities will help t to become more connected and confident and it’s clear he’s making progress already in more that one way. sounds like you have good division of teamwork within your family, and that can make such a difference. parenting is hard at times, especially when parenting a child with extra challenges and t is so lucky to have not one, but two champions to support him and to support each other.

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    1. Thanks Beth! I know as an educator, you can understand how important team-based activities are to child development. And especially for neurodiverse kids like T. I appreciate the kind words of encouragement! 😊

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