Slow down, take the detours, be open to the unexpected, stay present, soak in the moment.
We all end up at a finish line, so what’s the rush?
It’s a valuable lesson I’ve learned as T’s parent.
Our family recently helped celebrate the 18th birthday of a friend’s son.
It seemed like yesterday that he was born, then our ring bearer at 3, then countless games of hide and go seek, then suddenly he is taller than me and going to university this fall.
A colleague once told me to enjoy T’s childhood, because it flies by.
I thought about this when I was lying down exhausted one recent weekend morning and T whined for me to play with him.
As tired as I was, I played with him and had a blast play fighting as Skidibi Toilet villain G Man to his hero the Titan Camera Man.
Playing with him keeps me young and I am aware there will be a day when he no longer seeks me out to play with him.
We went for a bike ride after. It was meant to be a short ride but T wanted to explore a new playground he spotted (pictured at top).
So we parked our bikes under the shade of a tree and took an hour-long detour for T to play while I soaked in the beautiful sunshine.
Later, we stopped by Tim’s to get T a cold sugary drink, a perfect end to our weekend.
My experience with parenting a child with a complex disability (FASD) means I am always on guard, have a to-do list that rarely gets done, and rigidly following routines to keep us on track.
But there’s a grace in the meander. It tells us to take deep breaths, it’s ok to get off track, and that we’ll end up where we need to be; the beauty is in the things we experience along the way, often through the moments that are unplanned.
This Saturday morning, I was lying down on the bed, seeking quiet time on my phone when T came in with a bowl of popcorn he just made.
He plopped himself next to me and said he wanted to watch YouTube videos with me. He even offered me popcorn, which he notoriously never shares.
My annoyance at my quiet time being interrupted vanished. He rested his head on my shoulders as I nibbled on a big handful of popcorn.
My Life With T 
🩷🩷
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Meandering and connecting make a lovely day. ❤️ I always love reading your experiences with T and the committed, loving, and informed way you approach parenting Abe.
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It’s always lovely to hear from you LaDonna and yes, these moments are what fill my soul these days and what I am wholeheartedly making more effort to focus on in my life moving forward. 🙏💕
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Time really does seem to fly. And it’s a sad thought that there will come a day when our kids will no longer want to play with us. It’s funny how the unplanned stuff can sometimes be the most memorable. Sounds like a fun bike ride. And who doesn’t like popcorn!? How kind of T to share.
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Thanks Linda. You and K will also find that time flies by so quickly with your little one. 😊🙏 Are you taking the full 18-months off?
PS. We’re taking the local ROAM Transit to visit Lake Louise and I budgeted about 8.5 hours there (arrive 7 am and depart 3:45). Do you think that’ll give us enough time to do a decent hike and also get canoeing done too? I’m hoping to squeeze everything in one day but also mindful at some point our little guy will burn out and get cranky. Was there good food options there or should we pack stuff? Thanks for any guidance you can provide! 🙂
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The ROAM transit is a great way to get around. I visited Banff with one of my friends in 2019 and that was our main mode of transportation. Plus the parking situation at Lake Louise is cut throat and I think you have to pay to park there now. The last time we went, which was in July 2022, we got there at 6:30am and snagged the last spot, which might not have even been a parking spot as it was a bit sketchy.
I think 8.5 hours is a good amount of time for Lake Louise as that’ll be a full day. There’s no shortage of things to do. I seem to recall that food options are limited so I would recommend bringing your lunch and snacks. This way you’ll have more time to enjoy the scenery. What trail (or trails) were you thinking of doing? Will you be visiting Moraine Lake at all (on a separate day of course)?
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Thanks Linda. This is very helpful. I seem to think ROAM is the best. So gonna do that.
I didn’t realize Lake Louise and Moraine Lake were different. Haha. So I’ll need to look into that as I continue to finalize our itinerary. 😆
I’m hoping to squeeze in a half day of cycling the 26km trail from downtown Banff to Canmore, as T will love that, and at least stand up paddle boarding or canoeing by Lake Louise. Will keep you posted!
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Parks Canada operates a free shuttle bus between Lake Louise and Moraine Lake, but I think you have to reserve your spot in advance. If you go to Moraine Lake, definitely do the Rockpile Trail. It’s super short and gives a fantastic overview of the lake. Consolation Lakes Trail is also pretty nice and is on the easier side. If you have time when you’re at Lake Louise, I’d highly recommend hiking to one of the tea houses either at Lake Agnes or Plain of the Six Glaciers. Both are fantastic trails. Plain of the Six Glaciers is a bit more scenic, but you can’t go wrong with either. Oh, and a day trip along the Icefields Parkway. Definitely add that to your list if you’re looking for ideas. It’s one of the most scenic drives ever. There are a lot of great viewpoints along the way.
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Thanks Linda. I really appreciate these tips. I’ll make a note to revisit your Banff posts too! Slowly but surely it’ll be here before we know it. 🙂
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For sure. You’re going to have an amazing time!
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Awww, the part where T shared his popcorn with you and rested his head on your shoulders is really sweet! I guess moments like this make up for more challenging times.
“But there’s a grace in the meander. It tells us to take deep breaths, it’s ok to get off track, and that we’ll end up where we need to be; the beauty is in the things we experience along the way, often through the moments that are unplanned.” Like everyone else, I took a deep breath when I was reading this, word by word, as these are a good reminder for all of us on how we should deal with our lives.
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I love these simple quiet moments. They are often shortlived with this hyperactive and endlessly energetic child, so I treasure them when we have them. 😊💕
Hope you have a good rest of your week. My Tuesday is just getting started! 😆
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You really are such a wonderful parent 🩷
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Thanks Gary. 😊 I also imagine all the many wonderful playful moments that you and Hawklad get up to. I still fondly remember your adventure of getting up in the middle of the night to drive hours somewhere to catch a sunrise.
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Wynne and I are feeling the same about that phrase, Ab — ‘grace in the meander’. It jumped out at me as a beautiful bit of parenting self-awareness. Time DOES disappear on us as we wrestle with the allure of longer bike rides, more play…leaving loads of the “adulting” stuff undone. When Delaney was small, I needed to remind myself – often – to let a day unfold every now and then. I fell prey to the overscheduling gremlins pulling us in every direction. Quiet, meandering moments are the ones she remembers now. Me, too. xo! 🥰
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Thanks Vicki, I really appreciate the kind words. And I hear you on the adulting stuff. The list never ends but sometimes it’s good and so valuable to just let pile up and focus on the things that truly matter. Time does disappear – and health, etc – and I’m thankful T is teaching me to lean into these meandering moments more.
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Cheers to ALL of that! 🥰
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Oh, I love this. Especially, “But there’s a grace in the meander. It tells us to take deep breaths, it’s ok to get off track, and that we’ll end up where we need to be; the beauty is in the things we experience along the way, often through the moments that are unplanned.”
That Saturday morning time is the hardest one for me to say “yes” to because I just want to sit for a moment. But it’s such an important time to reconnect too. I love your description of mustering the energy to playing – and then having a blast. That’s how it works!
Thanks for the inspiration to just let things unfold sometimes! ❤ ❤ ❤
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Thanks Wynne. Saturday mornings are truly the worst. 😆 I just want to sleep in or lie down in bed by myself but that’s when T is most ready to play. I know you’re in the same situation multiplied by 2! 😆
But we are rewarded truly when we lean into moments of meandering. 🙏
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Wow, Ab! You are … such a GREAT parent!! How many other parents would have said, “Not now, son, I’m tired”? T is one lucky young man and you are one awesome parent!!! Hats off and thumbs up to you!
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Thanks Jill. I can assure you there are many moments when I give that response too! 😆 But I’m trying to lean into these windows of opportunities now because I know childhood is fleeting. 🙏
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You know, I have a feeling he will still want to play with you even when he has his own kids to play with. It’s just the kind of dad that you are 🙂
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Thanks Margie. I sure hope so! 🙏
I was looking at photos recently and remarked how much I miss his chubbier toddler days. I do hope he will have his own family one day and that I get to babysit! 😆 I know you can relate to this.
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