Step with the Best Foot Forward

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, FASD, Friendship, Fun, gratitude, growth mindset, love, ParentingTags:, , , , , ,

A painful truth about being a parent of a child with FASD is the world often sees them at their worst.

A parent shared this, between tears, during a recent weekly virtual FASD caregivers group and I wanted to hug her because I felt her heartache.

I then thought about Mothers Day lunch with family a few days prior.

T was very excited then became disregulated, hyperactive and his impulsivity kicked in – and then said and did things without thinking through the effect, as is often the case with FASD.

One of my aunt told him that he is very rude.

On the drive home, T was still disregulated and mouthy with colourful language with us and another aunt.

So yes, I can relate to the mother who wishes the world saw the bigger picture.

We see T at his disregulated and challenging moments, but we also see him at his kindest, sweetest, caring, charming, thoughtful and brightest best.

It pains, annoys and irks me when people see him having a hard time, because negative impressions stick and it takes a special person to understand the unseen disability is what often drives the observed behaviour.

But I can also say that I’m learning to care less about what others think about T, because I know him for who he truly is.

This long weekend, T got invited to not one but two birthday parties; the first was for a friend’s son’s 18th birthday and the second was for T’s classmate.

I was nervous about a repeat Mothers Day outing.

So we spoke with T before each outing about our expectations and you know what, we had a wonderful fun weekend.

T’s classmate’s party was held at Sky Zone Trampoline Park and it could not have been a more perfect venue for an energetic child like T.

I loved watching him explore this truly awesome indoor adventure park for two hours and I enjoyed watching him just have fun.

FASD can come into the calm of your day like a wrecking ball.

But you gotta focus on the prize in front of you: an amazing kid that is simply trying to make positive connections with the world around him.

Keep the faith that you’ll find your way through the obstacles together – and it means sometimes letting him lead the way too.

That your beloved child will have moments to shine – and who the hell cares whether it’s just you or the entire world that sees them.

37 thoughts on “Step with the Best Foot Forward”

  2. That is a bummer that that happens, but I’m glad you’ve managed to have a good attitude about it, namely, not caring/getting over it quickly. I hope that mother you mentioned is able to look on those incidents in the same way very soon.

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    1. Thanks Betsy! Sometimes I just wanna karate chop people. 😆 But also know I don’t want to contribute to the problem.

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  3. Unfortunately, negative impressions do stick longer than positive ones. But that doesn’t mean people cannot change the way they see disregulated kids. I remember telling my late mom about T (because she was very judgmental about ‘naughty’ children), and how his behavior is in fact caused by FASD. She seemed fascinated by that fact.

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    1. Thanks Bama. It really touches me how you shared T’s story with your mom. There is power in stories and in raising awareness, one person at a time.

      Hope you are doing well. This year is just flying by. Can’t believe it’ll be June soon.

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      1. I know, right? Literally yesterday I was reminded of something that happened in May last year and was shocked to realize it’s been a year.

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  5. That’s just it. You know T for who he truly is. He’s a good kid at his core and that’s what matters. Glad to hear you had a wonderful weekend and T did really well at the birthday party. The trampoline park sounds like a lot of fun. Love the pictures!

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    1. Thanks Linda! I appreciate the support. And you’ll have to take M to SkyZone when she’s older. I think there’s one in Mississauga closer to you.

      PS. Slowly fleshing out our Banff itinerary. Discovery and Conservation passes bought and shuttle bus pass to Lake Louise bought. Just a few more things to line up. Can’t wait.

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  6. Absolutely! “Let T JUST BE!” As a parent, I cherish the memories of my kids’ unique personalities and don’t recall much “acting out” compared to the times the “aunties” overreacted. Unconditional love and acceptance are key! And you have it!🤍🤍

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    1. Thanks Stacy. I appreciate your comment. It’s so important to remember we only have one childhood and to just let our kids be and let their unique personalities shine through. 💕

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    1. Thanks Diane for thinking of me. I’m very touched and thankful. 💕 Mother’s Day was a very strange one this year, to be honest, but I’m glad it was spent with family, despite the unpleasant moments.

      Whoever created Skyzone struck a winning idea for sure! 😆

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  9. “You gotta focus on the prize in front of you: an amazing kid that is simply trying to make positive connections with the world around him.” I can’t think of a better way of putting it. Yes, you’d like to see him put his best foot forward all the time, but, you know what, nobody does, even kids without FASD. And hopefully, friends and family, will give him the benefit of the doubt. If they don’t, well, that’s their loss. What a beautiful story.

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    1. Thanks Brian. You made a good point that we all goof up and step with two left feet forward sometimes and to remember that and to care less about the judgment of others. You’re right that it’s their loss for sure if people choose to judge. 🙏💕

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  12. I love that T had such a great time in the trampoline park. Those places are amazing but they leave me feeling dysregulated so hats off to T!

    I feel you and the mom from the FASD caregivers group. When others jump in with expectations and judgments, often in situations that they help create – oh, it burns! I need to take a sheet from your playbook and care less.

    Here’s to the wonderful moments they shine!! You are an amazing parent!

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    1. Thanks Wynne! I’m with you on the trampoline park. I am long past the age of participating. I just enjoy standing still on the sidelines and watching these kids go nuts and miraculously not bump into each other.

      We can all learn to care less but the hard truth is the judgments do sting, especially when it’s about our little loved ones. One step at a time. 🙏💕

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  14. This is why I love and appreciate that you share your parental experiences. Educating people like me & others who were/are not aware of FASD is necessary for many reasons. Not all will empathize or understand, even with all the information, but even the ones that do I hope make a difference. Especially for those like the mom in tears. I’m sure a hug from you made all the difference for her in that moment.

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    1. Thanks Tammy! I’m very appreciative and thankful for blogging friends such as yourself who have an open mind and heart. Not everyone will empathize and understand, for sure, but I will celebrate every positive interaction and heart and mind that is illuminated. 🙏

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  15. What a great time the trampoline park must have been! The world is not build for the neurodivergent and observed that while many struggle to navigate life and interactions while young, those who think a little bit differently often learn skills and workarounds that give them the upper-hand later in life. The best we can do is try to educate others. The second best thing we can do it help any young people struggling learn to navigate the world with their unique personality, skills, and perspective. While perhaps a handful now, I think T will do great things in life with your guidance, Ab. He has such a pure heart.

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    1. Ab, Erin said this so well that I am just going to take the easy route tonight and say I agree totally with her in every way 🙂 Also, I clearly see full on back flips in T’s future not long from now. Future gold medal in gymnastics maybe?

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      1. Thanks Deb! I love how supportive and kind you all are in this tough but joyful parenting journey with T. Yes, he attempted his first back flip in that video and it won’t be long till he nails it. This kid has no fear, God help me. 😆🙏😊

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    2. Thanks Erin! I really appreciate your kind reassurance. You said it best in that the world is not built for the neurodivergent and all we can do is try to educate others and to support our young ones while we can. He really does have a pure heart! 💕🙏

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