On Friday, T asked to stay home instead of going to daycare for PA Day. “I just need a break,” he said.
On Professional Activity (PA) Days, kids get a day off school and teachers focus on professional learning.
My first instinct to T’s request was no. The hubby and I had work, remotely at home, and he would be a distraction.
Then I thought about the emotional journey of the past month and realized how wonderful it was that T was advocating for his wellbeing.
So I said yes, so long as he kept himself busy.
T learned about his Ama’s death the week prior, in the middle of the school week. We gave his teacher and CYW a heads up before telling him.
The next day, his CYW said T asked to step out of the class to talk. She said he talked for over half an hour while she listened.
He said that everyone he cares about is dying and that he is scared he will lose someone every year.
That night, he had a big cry at home.
I was also having a hard week. Ma’s death hit me hard. The jet lag did not help. I stayed in bed for most of the week.
I was grateful for friends and colleagues’ support, including gifting Uber Eats gift cards that we put to good use.
A week later, we’re better. T still has moments when he cries and we give him space to talk.
I am thankful T externalizes his feelings – one blessing I’ll attribute to FASD and the lack of impulse control and regulation – because internalizing grief is not ideal.
Emotional wellbeing is as important to nurture as academic and physical wellbeing.
We want to normalize that it’s ok to ask for a break; it’s ok to take a Personal Affection Day.
T did keep himself busy on the PA Day, playing on his tablet and with his toys.
Friday was also Ma’s birthday. So in a way, it was nice T was close to us all day. That evening, we went to Dragon Legend buffet to celebrate Ma.
On Sunday today, I felt like my normal self for the first time since Ma’s passing, and took my own Personal Affection Day by doing things I enjoy.
I spent part of the morning meal prepping for the week, my first time cooking in a month.
I made Jamaican beef brisket stew for dinner and it felt soothing slow cooking this aromatic meal.
I did weekend learning with T. It felt nice to have the motivation to do so again; I created a Skidibi Toilet-themed math worksheet to T’s delight.
T zipped through reading and math practice and I thanked him for being focused then announced the rest of the day was for play!
We went for a long walk before lunch then swimming at the community pool in the afternoon.
It was nice to resume our Papa and T Sunday swim ritual after a month-long pause.
As we drove home, the golden hour sun bathed the snow-covered sidewalk and lawns in our neighbourhood.
It felt sobering and sad to realize that life moves on all around us, regardless of how hard a loss is.
But it was also a reminder of what a gift life itself is – and the best way to honor our loved ones is to live our lives to the fullest.
My Life With T 
We all need Personal Affection Days to unwind💯
LikeLike
For sure! Thank you Faith. 🙏
LikeLike
This is beautiful beyond words! 🤍
LikeLike
Thank you. 😊
LikeLike
AMEN to your last line!
LikeLike
Thanks Vickie. 🙏🙏🙏
LikeLike
I love that you celebrated your Ma’s life with T. I think it sends a different message celebrating someone after they pass as opposed to only grieving, even if only for a day it helps. How far T has come to be able to talk to someone for half an hour. It is so wonderful how far he has come with expressing his feelings and especially asking for a day off!
LikeLike
Thanks Diane. Every new day, more than ever, is a gift worth celebrating. 🙏 And I’m thankful for T’s social and emotional growth too. He amazes us every day. 😊
LikeLike
It’s great to hear that T knows that it’s okay to feel your feelings and that he’s been very open about them. You guys have had to deal with so many losses. We all need time to heal. But you’re right about how life is a gift.
LikeLike
Clearly I’m behind here. I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I’m glad you got to be out there in her last days, and that T got to have this special day at home. Love his magnet block man. And that brisket stew really does look good! Sounds like the cooking of it was aromatherapy for you. 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you! 🙏 Sometimes, the special days at home are so important. And I hope your toe is recovering well as well. 🙂
LikeLike
I am so sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. How hard that must be for you and T and your partner and your family! It is so weird to realize that while the death of someone close stops time for you? The rest of the world keeps moving forward, like you said. I love that T took a personal day
Just like us adults take days for us, he needed a day. You are an amazing Dad.
LikeLike
Thank you! 🙏 I think you said it best around how a death can make it feel like time has stopped. That’s a great way to describe this surreal feeling. So I’m thankful T took his personal day. It helped him reset, I think.
LikeLike
Oh, I love that T got a personal affection day and so did you. Wow, to have you Ma’s bday so close to her passing. The milestones are hard. I love how you celebrate life — and teach T how to cherish it all. Absolutely beautiful full circle of life post! Sending best wishes to you all!
LikeLike
Thanks Wynne. The birthday being so close to her passing definitely makes it jarring and hard. Almost like ripping a bandaid off multiple times. But sometimes, these things happen for the best. I am smiling on this Monday morning thinking about this full circle moment indeed. 😊
LikeLike
That boy of yours is one amazing kiddo. I’m so proud of all of you and so happy you’re taking time to adjust and mourn and love together Ab.
LikeLike
Thanks Deb. When he’s not driving us batty, he often surprises us with his wisdom and caring heart. 🙏 This one will take some time but we think we will be ok in the long run. 🙏
LikeLike
You’ve always spoke highly of staff at T’s school & how supportive they’ve been. It’s was nice to read that his CYW listened & he felt comfortable expressing himself.
This may not be your case, but it stood out most to me because so often I hear adults complain about children not having anything to be worried about because they don’t pay bills. They worry & have concerns too, even if it’s simply witnessing their parent stressed or sad, often they feel helpless. I’m happy that T is advocating for himself & you were able to rest up a bit. Hope you have a great week ahead!
LikeLike
Thanks Tammy. We are super blessed to have amazing supportive people working with T in school. His CYW is an amazing person.
You make such an important point about our little kids having worries too. They may not be the same pragmatic worries that we have but they are legitimate fears and worries for them and we should take the time to listen, validate and support them. I really appreciate you making that comment.
Have a great week ahead too!
LikeLike
It’s good that T requested all these: to step out of the class to talk to his CYW about his recent losses, and to ask you if he could stay at home instead of going to daycare for PA day. I think it’s healthy to acknowledge your feelings and to let other people know. I can only imagine how hard this past month must have been for all of you. But it’s nice that you finally did some cooking again. That stew looks absolutely delicious!
LikeLike
Thanks Bama! We’re thankful he has a super supportive CYW that listens to him. And I am smiling this Monday morning thinking about how thankful I am T knows to ask for a break. He often surprises us with his wisdom. 😊 The stew turned out well! A little spicy but oh well. 😆
LikeLike
Sounds like T could teach a few adults I know a thing or two on what it means to grief and overcome. Advocating for himself…. You go T!!!!
LikeLike
Thanks Brian. It has been an interesting past while for our little one and I’m thankful he doesn’t keep things to himself too much. 🙏
LikeLike
Your last line is what it’s all about. I’m glad you are all finding what grounds you. Big hug!
LikeLike
Thank you, Margie. It sure is. Sometimes we lose the footing below us and I’m thankful in this case I was able to find it fairly quickly thanks to the support of loved ones. 🙏
LikeLike