Far From Home

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, FASD, grief, love, Parenting, Philippines, travelTags:, , , , ,

During the holidays, I unexpectedly flew to the other side of the world to visit my ailing Ma.

Ma moved back to the Philippines in July. In early December, her myositis autoimmune disease, which attacks and weakens her leg muscles, resurfaced and a few days before Christmas, she had a fall at home.

On Christmas Eve, a few days after being admitted to the hospital, I had a video chat with Ma.

She did not look well – very weak and no fighting spirit, as she has been struggling with grief after my sister’s death. So I decided to go see her in the event this would be a goodbye visit.

2023 was a year of many losses, so with this latest incident, Christmas Day was very stressful.

I worked hard to muster enthusiasm to open presents. I then kept to myself as I processed Ma’s situation and the idea of leaving the hubby and T for nearly two weeks, the longest we’ve been apart.

The hubby was so supportive and let me have Christmas Day to myself and he helped book my flight and pack.

Stress makes the mind play awful tricks and I thought of every worst case scenario.

Then I took very deep breaths, had a good sleep, and got up on Boxing Day with a game plan.

I prepped for my trip – which included creating an away and return plan for my unplanned time off work, doing long-term groceries and prepping dinners (e.g. marinated meats) for the hubby to minimize his work while I was away.

Parenting a child with FASD is hard work, much less doing it on your own while in the midst of a very busy period at work.

I flew out the following evening and T was in a super foul mood that day – screaming, swearing and disregulated.

In the afternoon, I suggested we go for a walk in the rain and stomp on puddles to calm down.

During our long walk, T stopped and started his sad whimper. His eyes watered and his pouting lips quivered. That was when it hit me: he was sad and upset that I was leaving.

I felt awful because this trip came together very last minute and T got no warning. He’d already had a year of many losses and I could imagine what my departure must’ve seemed like to him.

I reassured him it would be a short visit – and it was important I see and help care for Ama.

When we got home, we played a bit more together then I got him fed and showered before we left for the airport.

When we arrived at the airport, T gave me the longest hug and I did not want to let him go.

The hubby told me by text, after they got home, that T cried in the car as they drove off and kept watching a 2-second video he filmed of me saying bye as they drove off.

You can only imagine how my heart ached!

I too read this text over and over again during my flight. How I miss them both so much.

As I waited for three hours to board my flight, it sank in how long I was going to be away from my family.

As we started to board, it sunk in how little I was mentally prepared for the 17-hour flight.

As our plane departed shortly past midnight, I looked down at the city. Little did I realize at the time the journey that lied ahead.

A selfie I sent to the hubby shortly before boarding.

50 thoughts on “Far From Home”

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    1. Thank you Faith. It was very hard to have been away from my family for almost two weeks as they are my source of strength. Thankfully the hubby and T did mostly fine. I’m thankful for that. 🙏

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  5. Oh Ab … I am so so very sorry this happened and that you have to be away, worried about your mom and also about T … I cannot even begin to imagine. Keeping my fingers crossed that your mom will improve, and that T will fare alright while you’re away. So much to worry about, but you are only one person and sadly, can only be in one place at one time. My heart is with you.

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    1. Thanks Jill. It’s been a surreal past two weeks. Sadly, my mom passed away Monday morning. I am so thankful I got to see her and to say goodbye. Life is short and fleeting and hope 2024 brings much peace and good health for all of us.

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    1. Thanks Diane.

      She passed away this morning. My head is spinning but I’m so thankful I got to see and spend time with her. I’ll write and catch up more later.

      Wishing you and your family a wonderful new year ahead!

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    1. Thanks Gary. She passed away this morning. I’m very thankful I got to see and spend time with her.

      Wishing you and Hawklad a wonderful new year ahead. Peace, love and good health to all of us.

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  8. So difficult. Hoping all involved get through this with whatever strength you can muster. How fantastic it will be once you’re home again. Perhaps the thought of that intense joy will help sustain you. 🙂

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  9. I’m so sorry to hear about your Ma. I can’t even begin to imagine how stressful it must have been to book a flight at the last minute either, especially when it’s half way across the world and during the holidays! It must have also been hard to say goodbye to T for nearly two weeks. Here’s hoping everything works out.

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    1. Thanks Linda. She passed away this morning. I’m very thankful I got to see and spend time with her.

      Wishing you, K and Margaret a wonderful new year ahead. Peace, love and good health to all of us. No more tears and sadness!

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  10. Oh No, Ab! I am so sorry about your Ma and how stressful your absence was on T. I will keep your Ma in my prayers and I don’t know if you are home or away so I will end with a wish for safe travels.

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    1. Thanks Vickie. She passed away this morning. I’m very thankful I got to spend time with her and see her.

      Wishing you, Jess and the family a wonderful new year ahead. Peace, love and good health to all of us! No more tears and sadness. 🙏

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  11. AB, I’m so sorry your Christmas this year has been such a struggle. I was hoping after what you and your family had to go through last year at this time that this year would be much easier and more joyful for all of you. I’m glad you can be there for your ma. Thinking of you all and praying for best outcomes. And sending you lots of hugs as you love and support your dear ma. ❤️

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    1. Thank you, Belle. It’s been quite the past while. It’s not looking good at the moment but I am thankful we got to spend some unexpected in person time together.

      And yes, may things just get better from here on out! 😊🙏

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    1. Thanks Brian. It’s not looking good at the moment but I’m thankful we got to spend some in person time together. 😊🙏 The jet lag was brutal but thankful that through this unexpected trip, I get to catch up with family overseas.

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  13. Oh, Ab, that’s so tough and sweet at the same time – and a long flight to think about it all. I hope you are enjoying the visit with your mom now and that she’s well.

    I love the moment you describe that you figured out T was sad. It seems so obvious after we get it but it’s SO HARD in the moment. And they really have no idea! A walk in the rain – such a brilliant way to get it out.

    Sending you all my best!

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    1. Thanks Wynne. It’s not looking good but I am thankful we got to spend some unexpected in-person time together. 🙏😊

      Those three days leading up to the flight feel like a blur now. Our little ones are sometimes asked to take on so much emotionally and it’s not fair at times. In hindsight, I can now see why he was so upset.

      I am thankful we can video chat despite the 13,000 km distance separating us! 🙏

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  14. I don’t have anything to say except for hoping that things will work out in the end. I hope 2024 will be a better year for you, I hope for the best for your mom, I hope your husband is doing well when you’re away, I hope T is behaving nicely, and I hope soon you’ll be reunited again and give each other the longest hug. Take care, Ab.

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    1. Thanks Bama. It’s not looking good but I am thankful we got to spend this in-person time together. 🙏😊

      And yes, please let this year be better. I’m so sick of people getting sick or leaving. 😔

      T has been good but it’s been hard for the hubby as it’s a very busy time at work for him. But such is life.

      I had a seafood laksa noodle soup last night and thought of you! 😆 One pleasant effect of this sad trip is having good food!

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      1. Your 2023 sounds like my 2021 when I lost so many people, including my dad. But 2022 was a better year for me, and I’m hoping the same thing happens to you in 2024.

        It’s good to know that you’re able to find little pockets of happiness during this unexpected trip to Manila. And a bowl of laksa is always a good idea! (hey, that rhymes!)

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      2. Thanks Bama. Im sorry you had a similarly sad year of losses recently.

        My mom passed away on Monday morning Toronto time. I arrived Sunday night. I’m thankful I got to say bye to her and also thankful I am here with my family as I’m leaning on them through this trying time.

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      3. My deepest condolences on the passing of your mom, Ab. I wish you and your family, especially T, peace during this difficult time.

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  15. My prayers are with you & your mom Ab. Although I can only imagine what you felt being away from T & the hubby, I’m sure your heart knows that being able tobvisiting your MA was a blessing for you and her. Glad you had a safe trip my friend!

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    1. Thanks Tammy. It’s not looking good but as you said, it was a blessing we got to spend this unexpected in-person time together. 🙏😊

      It’s been a surreal trip for sure filled with emotional highs and deep lows. There are happy moments which I’ll share later.

      Hope you are having a much calmer week!

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      1. Oh Ab- I hope your ability to be there will become a memory to hold dear at some point in the future. I am so very sorry.

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  17. Thank you for sharing with us so we can lift you up as best we can, virtually. “Far From Home” says so much in three words, Ab. Sending love to you as you tend to you Ma with wishes for safe travels on your journey home. Take care of yourself. xo 💕

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    1. Thanks Vicki. It’s not looking good but I am thankful for the unexpected in-person time together. 😊🙏

      And I love that you mentioned lifting me up, because that is exactly what you and my blogger friends are doing. These supportive comments are so appreciated.

      Please take care of yourself as well.

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      1. I’m so sorry, Ab. Sending love and good energy your way to help you navigate with as much grace as possible. With you in spirit, my friend. ❤️

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  18. I can only imagine how hard it was for everyone to be apart and the break in routine. I hope that things are working out as best they can. Keeping you, your mother, and your family in my prayers today, Ab. 🙏

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      1. I’m sure it means to the world to your mother having you by her side. I hope you find strength, fortitude, and peace to face whatever lies ahead. Sending a big hug ❤️

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    1. Thanks Margie. It’s not looking good but I am thankful we had this in person time together. 😊🙏 I remember you had to make a similar trip a year or so ago to your brother, so I know you can relate with just how surreal this all is!

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