Driving Mr. T

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, FASD, love, ParentingTags:, , , , ,

3,500+ car rides together. That was my best guess when I tried to quantify how many drives T and I have had in our 9 years as a family.

We’re celebrating our 10th Fathers Day today. Nine years flew by. One minute, the hubby and I were meeting him for the first time at his foster family’s home, feeding him a bottle of milk; the next, he’s just 1 cm away from being able to go on all the rollercoasters at Canada’s Wonderland.

Earlier this month, during a typical Saturday morning drive to his swim lessons, I glanced at him from the rear view mirror. He was looking quietly out the window at the passing homes.

I thought about our drives over the years, often times just him and I.

So many mundane moments, listening to a song on repeat or to quiet stillness. His meltdowns that unsettled our peace (and admittedly, a few of those meltdowns were mine). The excitement of departing our home to start a long roadtrip.

So many of those moments in the car seemed to have faded into our subconscious; only highlights seem to pop out.

Like the hubby and I excitedly buckling T into our baby seat – a gift from close friends who were overjoyed our 7-year adoption journey had come to an end – to take him for his first sleepover at our home, as part of our adoption transition.

The cumbersome car seat became a booster seat. Now, he just needs to buckle a seatbelt on. In a few years, he’ll sit at the front. And God help us all, he’s six years away from being able to take the written test for a driver’s license.

I’ve shared this photo of T and I at Killbear Provincial Park many times and it continues to be one of my favourite photos with T.

I’m sometimes equally gobsmacked and touched when T brings up serious topics, such as his mom and homelessness, bullies at school, or his fears about death, as he’s experienced so many heartbreaking losses in the past few years.

I have to balance keeping my eye on the road with giving him my thoughtful attention.

I treasure the hundreds of kilometres we’ve racked up, exploring different parts of Canada and the north-eastern parts of the US, including Northern Ontario (pictured at top) during the first pandemic summer in 2020.

That week-long adventure to Thunder Bay encapsulates so much of what life as T’s Papa has taught me. To enjoy the journey and the unexpected detours and not focus on the inevitable destination. To find hope, humour, heart and adventure every step and kilometer of the way.

I value and appreciate the shorter drives to explore a random playground in our city or to get boba takeout for the hubby, T and I. It’s not always about the scenery but the company and bonding.

Over nine years, I have changed as a parent and a person. I am still driven to make this world more aware, supportive and understanding of people with FASD. But I am also focused on the big picture and not sweating the small stuff that drives me crazy.

The road on this scenic drive eventually ends. God willing, T will be driving my old ass around one day. Hopefully, we’re still a long while away from that.

Wishing all the daddies and the papas a Happy Fathers Day!

By land, sea or air, I am thankful for getting to spend life with this little guy.

39 thoughts on “Driving Mr. T”

  2. So beautiful!!! I also hope one day T will be driving your old ass around!!!
    Words to live by:

    To enjoy the journey and the unexpected detours and not focus on the inevitable destination. To find hope, humour, heart and adventure every step and kilometer of the way”

    Mitch has a T-shirt that says it’s about the journey not the destination.

    Speaking of journeys – we are driving home from from my 50th HS reunion- now that’s quite the journey in miles ( Long Island) , experience and years !!!
    XoV

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    1. Thanks Vickie. Let’s hope so indeed! 🥰

      Mitch’s T-shirt quote is so apt and wise. And I hope you had a fun time at your HS reunion. It’s my 25th year this year. 😊 look forward to hearing all about your reunion!

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  3. What a great post Ab, it tugged at my heartstrings! I hope that little boy realizes what kind of dads you two have been. He and you both were put together for a reason and this post says it all. I had to smile about the roller coaster height because my grandson was here a week ago. We have kept track of his height since he could stand and marked the inside of our coat closet door. He asked if my husband would measure him because he wants to ride the roller coasters at our amusement park. T and my grandson would be good friends if they lived close.

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    1. Thanks Diane. 😊 It has been quite the journey – and I think you’ve been following along for more than half of T’s lifetime now! – and I do strongly believe that T and us were brought together by a higher force. Too many coincidences, which I will share one day when he’s a little older, to think otherwise.

      Good luck with your grandson and his rollercoaster goals. This is the summer they’ll both conquer those big boy rides!

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      1. Guess where my grandkids are? Cedar Point riding the roller coasters. My granddaughter sent a video and he is feeling sick to his stomach. I remember those days! But he went on all the newer rides.

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  4. Happy belated Father’s Day! I love how you and T also have deep conversations because whatever you tell and teach him will stay for the rest of his life. Looking back at the journey you have taken since the day you and your husband met T for the very first time is a poignant and sweet way to appreciate all the little and big things along the way.

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    1. Thank you Bama. 😊 I hope the conversations stick, and not just the deep ones but the mundane fun ones too. 🙏 I appreciate Fathers Day for helping us pause and take stock of the journey so far. 💕

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  7. Happy Father’s Day to you and your hubby! You have a wonderful outlook on your times with T. Treasuring the short and long adventures together. And the deep conversations. Those have been very dear to my heart with my daughters — of hearing their perspectives about various topics 🌞

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    1. Thanks Dave. 😊 A great boosting message to start my work week! I love your read on the long and shot adventures and the deep conversations that transpire. It’s what we remember on a surface and subconscious level. 💕

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  8. Happy Father’s Day! Hope you enjoyed the lovely weather this weekend. It’s crazy how quickly the time flies, but that’s a good sign that you’re having fun! Soon you’ll be racking up even more kilometres on the car when you return to Northern Ontario this summer! You must be getting excited!

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    1. Thank you, Linda. 😊 Hope K (and you all) had a nice Fathers Day too. Ours was very relaxing with some gardening mixed into it.

      We’re both very excited and a tad nervous about the roadtrip. The wildfires are making our plans precarious but regardless, we’re thankful and empathetic that we are not in an evacuation zone and if we have to change plans it’s a minor inconvenience for us.

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  10. This is so beautiful, Ab. I love the pictures. And this is so incredibly wise:
    “That week-long adventure to Thunder Bay encapsulates so much of what life as T’s Papa has taught me. To enjoy the journey and the unexpected detours and not focus on the inevitable destination. To find hope, humour, heart and adventure every step and kilometer of the way.”

    Yes! Thank goodness for fathers like you and your hubby! I’m so grateful to know you and be inspired by you!

    But please, let’s not talk about the driving phase yet… 🙂

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    1. Thanks Wynne. 😊 Hope you had a nice weekend as well! You juggle both hats and do it so well and inspire us all in the process.

      Yes, let’s not worry about drivers licenses yet. Still quite a while’s away. 😆 Kind of.

      Enjoy the final days of the school year! 10 more for us.

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  11. Well done, Ab! All parents make their share of mistakes. All we can do is try to learn from them. Not sweating the small stuff is a huge one. Having been around kids most of my life, you can’t go wrong when they know you love them.

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    1. Thank you Pete. 😊 Being forgiving of our own and our children’s mistakes is so freeing in this relentless parenting journey. 🙏 Love doesn’t solve all our problems but it helps give us the capacity to address them better.

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  12. Happy Father’s Day, Ab. Your previous commenters have already expressed my feelings from reading this post. Both your parenting skills and writing skills are filled with empathy and love. We are privileged that you share your reflections with us.

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    1. Thank you, Jane. 😊 I am thankful for the WP community for following along and letting me share my reflections. It was a fun Fathers Day and hope your family had a good one too!

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  14. what a beautiful tribute to parenthood, to t, to papas and daddies everywhere. may they all find the loving family that you have formed with t, a complete circle of love, with challenges, and lessons and most of all, acceptance. you are all so lucky to have found each other and made a family together, happiest of fathers day to you both, t is so lucky!

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    1. Thank you, Beth. 😊💕I love the image of “complete circle of love.” I see so many circles in my life, some of which are metaphorical circles. Such a powerful image. 🙏

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  17. Happy Fathers Day, Ab. I hope it is a day full of connection and memory building.

    I loved this sentence in your post “I have to balance keeping my eye on the road with giving him my thoughtful attention”. It is a genuine metaphor for attuned parenting. ❤️❤️

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    1. Thank you, LaDonna. 😊💕 I admittedly both smiled and chuckled at the sentence you called out. I do often use metaphors in my writing but in this case, it was a genuine I need to keep my eye on the road so I don’t hit somebody. 😂 But I now also see the metaphor that you saw. 🥰

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