Candid Conversation: Frances Victory on Her Journey To Find A New You

I am often inspired by those who’ve gone through a journey of discovery and then use their experience to inform and inspire others on similar journeys. 

Frances Victory is a Life Coach, Speaker, Developmental Psychologist and Adjunct Assistant Professor. She completed her doctoral degree in Developmental Psychology at the City University of New York’s Graduate Center.

She has used her knowledge of development plus her years of teaching to create interactive workshops for professionals and families of children with autism; with topics ranging from self-development, understanding the I.E.P., and behavioral management.

Her workshops inspired her to create a self-development workbook for parents of children with special needs called “Journey to Finding a New You.” 

Her goal is to help parents become strong and empowered so they can be the best advocate for their child.

Based in New York with her husband and two children, Frances recently reached out to me to introduce me to her workbook project.

How did the idea for “Journey to Finding a New You” come about?

I got married in 2016. It was very hard for me to handle this huge change. I decided to look online for a self-help book to guide me. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was hoping to find. I just knew I needed a resource to give me the strength to figure out this huge new step in my life. 

As I was looking, I wondered if there are any self-help books for parents of children with special needs. The only thing I could find were books that educated the caregivers about a particular developmental disability, or books by mothers and fathers who wanted to tell their story. 

At that point, I thought to myself – what if the reader has different life experience than the writer? For example, maybe they are raising a child of different gender, age, diagnosis, or living in a different type of community. It can help the reader realize they aren’t the only parent who is feeling a particular way. 

But how can they really relate if they don’t have the same values as the writer. He or she may have used religion and God to handle their child’s diagnosis. Meanwhile, the writer doesn’t even believe in religion.

I believe parents need a resource that will help them take control of their own life, in their own way and, on their own time. Account for their own beliefs, available resources, and lifestyle. Let them write their own story and not feed off someone else’s story or how they think they should be feeling.

You write that “most books that aim to help you make a change in your life don’t seem to understand what it is life being the parent of a child with special needs.” How does your book address self-transformation through the eyes of a special needs caregiver?

The resource is addressed solely to parents of children with special needs. Scattered throughout the book are examples of situations related to having a child with special needs which makes it even more meaningful for reader. Mothers and fathers may simply find comfort in knowing that this workbook is written just for them.

There is a section that discusses the people around you and how to identify those who are affecting your life in a positive or negative manner. I think parents will find extreme comfort in this chapter. 

A caregiver of a child with special needs an extra amount of social support from friends and family. They often face an emotional roller coaster. Mothers and fathers need unconditional support from others through thick and thin. Someone who knows what is going on and is first to ask you how you are feeling. 

I also emphasize the importance of engaging in a dialogue with the people who have helped and harmed them – thanking them for their support or telling them what you need from this point forward.

You write about setting SMART goals and I think about the start of a new year and personal resolutions. What are the tricks to keep oneself focused on achieving their goals and resolutions?

I cannot believe it is 2025 already!! Research shows that many people give up on their resolutions by February.

Here are some of my suggestions to accomplishing your goals: 

• Start off by making specific smaller goals. The steps you need to take to get to your ultimate big goal. Usually, a large goal can be overwhelming and you are more likely to quit. These smaller steps become a checklist to guide you along the way. It can also be motivational because it is exciting when you check off what you HAVE accomplished.
• Be realistic and honest to yourself during the whole process of working on your goals. Only you know what you can achieve. My workbook has a section for you to brainstorm the answer to questions such as – What resources do you have to help you reach your goals? Who do you know that could hold you accountable to working on your goals? What do you think are obstacles that may come your way when trying to achieve your goal?
• Don’t be hard on yourself if not achieving your goal. Ask yourself: (a) did you make any change at all but just not as much as you would like? and (b) are you honestly trying as hard as you can? 
• My workbook provides space to help you think about these questions and write your ideas. Help you see what needs to be fixed. Redo your plan or change your goal.

“I believe parents need a resource that will help them take control of their own life, in their own way and, on their own time.”

I often write about the need for self-care as a special needs caregiver. What are your go-to self- care rituals?

I engage in a variety of different self-care routines. Each activity makes me very happy and offers a sense of calm when my life starts to feel chaotic. 

I try to engage in these happenings in a moderation. I remind myself that even though I love each activity, too much may take away my time from my main priorities and what I should be focusing on.

Here is my list of self-care routines.

• Drinking a glass of wine before bed. I remind myself of the health benefits of wine such as preventing heart disease, boosting brain power, reducing the risk of cancer, and lowering blood pressure.
• I found a coloring book for adults. It is so much fun to use the creative side of my brain. I haven’t done anything like this since I was a child.  It is so relaxing.
• Spending way too much time on social media and watching reality television. My husband says I am rotting my brain. I say it is just something that I enjoy!

The writing and creative process always fascinate me. What were the most rewarding and the most challenging parts about writing your book?

This has been a project in the making for a few years now. I was pregnant with my older son when I started brainstorming my ideas. Little did I know, I would become the mother of a child with special needs.

Since then so many other responsibilities have come up for me. Plus, I had a second child. But while dealing with so many other things, I am very proud of myself that I have kept working on this project. For still staying motivated to engaged in the writing and marketing process. 

Even though I haven’t accomplished everything at the speed that I would have liked, I keep telling myself that little by little I am working hard to make a difference in the life of a parent of child with special needs. Even if I have helped one mother or father then it will be all worth it! 

I love your shoutout to dads in your book. In your opinion, are there differences in how a mom and a dad may experience special needs caregiving?

I don’t think gender has anything to do with differences in how parents may experience the caregiving process. I think it is more important to focus on the dynamic of the caregivers’ relationship. How strong and supportive are they to each other?

For example, stereotypically mothers are the ones taking on the responsibility of organizing everything their child needs. If that is the case, is the father providing the kind of support she needs when she is stressed out. 

Also, may have a father or mother who is not acceptant of their child’s diagnosis. How do they deal with issues that come their way? Do they work together or have different ideas about how to raise their child?

My workbook may help parents develop a goal aiming to work on their marriage. It may even give them a chance to work together to create this goal so they can become more supportive and bonded to each other. This goal would help the child because his or her parents would have a stronger relationship and better able to work together to help him or her.

What has the response been to your book so far? Any plans for a follow up?

I am currently still in the very early stages of marketing and promoting my workbook. I am working with a few therapists and blogs so they can promote my resource to their clients and readers. They have shown a lot of interest that this workbook may be something that their clients would be interested in. At this time there are no plans for a follow up. I have thought about writing a children’s book to help them advocate for their own needs.

US Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F Kennedy Jr recently spoke at a news conference in April and made some harsh comments about autism and autistic people, including the claim that autism destroys families. What did you think about his comments?

Yes, families with a child with autism can be stressed out and deeply affected with their son or daughter’s diagnosis. It can affect the family system and marriage. But why is he solely focusing on this particular diagnosis? Any family can and will be affected in any way by their child’s diagnosis of any disability.

Why is he using such an extreme word such as “destroys” families? He has also stated that autism can be “preventable” and “destroys our children”. He has also stated that a person with autism will never engage and enjoy the activities that a typical child will engage in.

A parent of a child who was recently diagnosed with autism is going to read RFK’s statement and go into an extreme panic mode. One parent may react differently than the other parent to what he or she has read. Then cause a divide between mother and father. “Destroy” them as a unit in their ability to work together to help their child as much as possible. He even refers to autism as a “preventable disease”. Autism is not a disease. Cancer is a disease that can kill a person. Why is he choosing to use the same vocabulary? Again, does he really think these terms he is using are helping parents and families? Instead he is just creating a massive sense of panic in parents of children who have been recently diagnosed!

He is so focused on “preventing” a child frombeing diagnosed. It is almost like he sees autism like a plague. Research has already shown that there is a genetic component to autism. So why not instead focus a percentage of your research funds into helping these families that he believes are being “destroyed”? Why not focus on providing states with funds to develop more treatment and therapy programs for children who you believe are being “destroyed”?

Thank you, Frances. I wholeheartedly agree.

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Special Thanks

Big thanks to Frances Victory for this thoughtful Q&A. You can learn more about Frances by visiting her website and following her on Instagram (@victory_coachin_LLC).

For other stories of caregivers of neurodiverse individuals, check out Feedspot’s Top 45 Disabled and Special Needs Child Parenting Blogs for 2025. “My Life with T” makes the list at #16.