The Scarecrow

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, FASD, humour, Parenting, Positive ParentingTags:, , ,

What are the urban legends we tell to keep people in line?

On a recent Sunday grocery run with T, as I parked the car, he said, “There’s an owl on the roof.”

I love that T notices things that we normally miss.

There indeed was an owl on the roof of the supermarket, pictured above.

T wanted to take a closer look and I realized it wasn’t moving.

T borrowed my phone so he could zoom in with my camera – he took the photo above – and indeed it was a fake owl!

So I told him it was like a scarecrow.

“But it’s not a human and is not made out of straw,” he refuted.

I thought about how scarecrows manifest in our lives as caregivers.

We’ve been struggling in the last while with T’s disregulated moments – when the verbal aggression and meltdowns happen that seemingly flip the moment upside down.

It got to the point I had to fake call the police to get him to calm down.

Yes, these YouTube videos exist and they are gloriously entertaining.

T would stop his meltdown and come begging us to cancel the call.

The first time we did this, the hubby and I were in stitches, dying of laughter.

Yes, I’m aware we’re not winning a parenting award, but we did it out sheer exasperation.

But the hubby and I made a pact to not have to resort to this again, because it’s not effective.

The FASD brain is not wired to understand consequences.

Challenges with impulsivity, regulation and executive functioning mean this will be an ongoing challenge and we’ll need to use different strategies, including modifying T’s environment.

So it’s a work in progress. Life is a work in progress.

We focus on the wins and let go of the moments – and the guilt and regret – of when you could’ve done better in the heat of the moment.

Celebrate the wins, like T gaining self-help skills as my companion during our Sunday grocery runs, one of my favourite Papa and T bonding rituals.

Earlier in November, our family went for our annual flu and Covid booster shots.

T proclaimed beforehand he will be brave. The year before, the entire pharmacy heard his profanity-laced meltdown and he had to be held down by the hubby and several staff.

Just our luck, it was the same pharmacist this year.

But T kept his promise, he didn’t make a fuss as she rolled up his sleeve. Needle in and out in the blink of an eye.

🥰🥰🥰

While T was waiting for his shot, an exasperated mother was trying to calm her daughter down.

As they walked in the room for their shot, T turned to her. “Hey, good luck,” he said in solidarity. 🥰

Didn’t calm the child down, but he tried! Nothing is more soul soothing than a meltdown from a child that’s not mine. 😂

Fears can be conquered, we just gotta give our children space to move at their own pace.

It’s like this brave pigeon below that figured out something was off with the owl.

Don’t mess around with Toronto pigeons. They’ll eat your children if they have to.

Now there’s a thought.

29 thoughts on “The Scarecrow”

  2. I had no idea these fake calls to the police were a thing!! This is good to know!! I imagine it would only work a handful of times though before the kids catch on. Life is definitely a work in progress, as are parenting strategies and techniques. Glad to hear that T handled his latest COVID booster like a champ. And that’s very sweet that he wished that little girl good luck. And yah, those Toronto pigeons are a thing of nightmares, especially when they sense food around!

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    1. T caught on fairly quickly when I tried to use a different video and the “police” said, “Hi Ma’am…” 😂 It was fun while it lasted but in all seriousness we have find a different way to address his more challenging moments. They really are hard and just make me wanna bash my head into a wall. 🤭 I just have to centre everything on who T is at his core and the reasons for these behavioural symptoms.

      As I learned from other fellow Canadian bloggers, it’s a seagull not a pigeon. They all look equally annoying and scary to me. 😂

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      1. Ha! That would do it! And gosh, parenting can really keep you on your toes! Baby M is starting to develop more of a personality and I can tell she’s going to be mischievous!

        Less than a week to go for Christmas!

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  4. “Nothing is more soul soothing than a meltdown from a child that’s not mine.” This cracked me up! 😂 Life is a work in progress indeed. We will keep learning, unlearning, and re-learning things along the way, whether it’s the way we engage with others, how we deal with problems, and how we understand ourselves, among other things. In my opinion, we will never be able to figure out everything, because if we think we are, then we will stop learning.

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    1. Thanks Bama! Yes, it’s so nice seeing other parents lose their shit instead of me. It’s so awful to say but it does bring me comfort and make me less alone in this. 😂 Life is definitely about constant learning and growth and one of the best realizations we can make.

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    1. Thanks Diane. That fake call video is a riot. But we definitely had to stop using it as I don’t want him to build a complex! We’re finding less scary ways to try to calm him down now. 😊😆🙏

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  6. I love this so much. Especially T’s support for another child. So good! And gosh, yes. Aren’t we all a ‘work in progress’? Such is life…but your posts and perspectives and big heart give us lift and love, Ab! Thank you! 🥰🥰🥰

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  7. HA! I love your ending—I love the fake police call and your comments—and I love that T gave encouraging words to the little girl and her mom and that he kept his promise about taking the shot! I love your honesty about parenting – Your writing, humor and insights are helping so many people cope – V

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  8. as a parent of 3 daughters, I had to resort to all kinds of methods to get through some situations and days. some we all still laugh about now, but parenting is definitely a moving target, and I would never judge another parent’s choices, you do what you do, and you see progress, and that is what matters, t reaching out to another child in that way makes you know that you are doing something right. I love how you ended this one -)

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    1. Thank you Beth! For sure it’s a moving target and we do what we have to do and try our best to move on from the moments we could’ve done better. I love that T reached out that young girl. Really touched my heart and I bet hers and her mom’s too! 💕

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    1. Thanks Margie. The call definitely terrified him but he also quickly wised up to it. Especially when he figured out it was fake. 😂 And I gotta learn my street birds. They all look the same to me. 🤭

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  10. Oh, I’m howling at how you brought this one full circle. Brilliant, Ab.

    I love T’s big heart – and his outreach to the child about the shot. How cool the difference from one year ago – and great for noticing growth. The hard moments happen so thank goodness for appreciating the wins. Love that philosophy!

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    1. Thanks Wynne. Glad I made you howl. This post was percolating in my Drafts for a while. It’s been slower to blog these days with so much going on.

      T has such a big heart and it reminds me to centre all that’s going on in our day, good and hard, around this. 💕

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