The Boy with the Big Outdoor Voice

Posted byAbPosted inADHD, adoption, Banff, FASD, growth mindset, love, Parenting, wellbeingTags:, , , ,

“Oh my God, when is that baby going to stop crying,” our 9-year-old said loudly during our recent flight home from Banff.

I was horrified and amused. The woman behind us burst out laughing.

Such is the life with T, who is never shy to speak his mind, even and especially when things are best said with an inside voice.

Like when we walked passed a man, and within hearing distance, he said matter of factly, “That man is fatter than Daddy!”

Or when we were at a McDonald’s in Banff and he stared at a woman sitting at a table with her kids then said to us, “Why does that woman have so many kids?” 😆

Yes, it’s part of being a kid.

Yes, it’s part of his exuberant personality.

I know it’s partially due to it being a symptom of FASD, which makes him quick to speak and act before thinking through cause and effect.

Impulsivity and disregulation can make a challenging combination for those caring for individuals with FASD.

It makes life unpredictable, in both hard and amusing ways.

Like during a dinner outing with family at a crowded restaurant and we asked T to try something and he said, “This smells like shit!”

Thankfully, Chinese restaurants are very loud.

As amusing as these moments are in hindsight, the hubby and I are also struggling with T’s language the past year.

Regular swearing – often times, a tic – rude language and talking back.

We try to work with him to address this, because we know if it continues, it will make it hard for him in the larger world, be it school, friendships, relationships and one day, work.

I can already see how off putting it is for others and it hurts my heart to see that.

But I do also see his big outdoor voice as something that can be channeled into something positive.

T is assertive and can argue with persistence for his point – and boy, is he good at bringing up things you’ve said in the past to his advantage.

These can be honed into strengths and personality assets for him one day.

As with anything in life with T, it’s a work in progress and we try to focus on the big picture.

We remember who T is at his core and at his purest moments – a kind, caring, funny as hell kid.

The “I love you!” that he screams out loud at night from his room to us after we’ve put him to bed is the best medicine for the soul.

As we start this new school year – how do I have a 4th grader already?! – I hope we can all work together to support his growth and to develop his big outdoor voice in a positive direction, while helping him develop a positive inside voice too.

30 thoughts on “The Boy with the Big Outdoor Voice”

  2. Oh man. I can see how that could be embarrassing, but it’s a riot that the woman on the plane burst out laughing. It’s good you can see the pros despite the cons and are working toward helping T adjust to “indoor” life.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Thank goodness that Chinese restaurant was loud! And thank goodness he’s just a kid. I imagine how challenging it must be for you every time T curses — many people will immediately judge the parents. While his outspokenness might be problematic at times, I agree with you that it can also be his strength if used at the right time and in the right places. I’m quite optimistic that he will eventually be able to control that loud inner voice inside his head because that would be instrumental to navigate the world that is probably less kind to adults.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Yes, we can never do fine dining with this kid. You actually just reminded me of when we did a French restaurant once. So quiet so when we had a moment, the entire place heard it. No more French restaurants for us! 😆

      He will make a fine lawyer one day if he puts his mind to it. His mouth is already there. 😆

      I do agree that he will mature over time. 🙏 Thanks for the vote of confidence too!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. The world often chips away at the innocence and purity of our children as they venture towards through adolescence and into adulthood. Let’s hope we can all do our part to preserve the inner child in all of us and our children. 🙏

      Like

      Reply

  6. I love how honest kids are. But yes, I imagine it can be problematic when T is swearing or saying something rude. I imagine it’s also hard not to laugh at what he says sometimes. It certainly sounds like he’s a funny kid (and very sweet too). Oh gosh, where does the time go?! Hope T’s transition back to the classroom is going well. Have a wonderful weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. We really have to try not to laugh or smile when he acts this way – or the alternative, to strangle him – because it will just reinforce the behaviour! 😆

      1 week of school in the can! 39 to go! 😆

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  7. I’ve been in those airplane situations and wanted to do exactly what T did! I think given the time we live in when swearing and using colorful language is heard everywhere from everyone trying to encourage T to tone things down has to be a huge challenge. Why would any kid think they should change when they hear adults all around them swearing through their entire conversations.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I often chuckle and muse that T says the things that most of us are thinking but have the restraint to keep in our head. 😆

      The language is such a challenge right now and I know he’s not the only child. It’s going to get harder as he goes into his teen years. I’m going to be a senior citizen in five years at the rate parenting is aging me. 😆🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  9. Love this! If all else fails T can move to my hometown in Long Island where cursing is a primary language! Also used in outdoor voices!
    I also appreciate how your writing weaves every day experience with T and educates about FASD while giving us a smile and happy heart ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. 4th grader! Amazing!! I love, “As with anything in life with T, it’s a work in progress and we try to focus on the big picture.” Yep, the big picture gets us through doesn’t it?

    This weekend we are going to a party and we’ll see my sister there. Miss O said, “and I’m not going to say this or ask that.” Oh boy…let’s see how this goes… 🙂

    I hope this year is full of fun and support for T, you and your hubby! Go 4th grade!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Oh, you do have to dish on the party. You will never be able to say anything about your sister to T, because boy will it bite you in the butt. 😆 I can’t wait to hear all about it, Wynne.

      Good luck with the upcoming week of school. 1 week down here, 39 to go!

      Like

      Reply

    1. Thanks Jane. It’s funny how societal norms shape the innocence and purity out of kids as they get older. Sometimes it’s good but often times it does make you wonder lament what is lost. 🙃

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  13. I love this, Ab – both the acknowledgement that a willingness to speak one’s mind can be an asset, and the recognition that sometimes doing so can cause problems. I think framing it as a skill to be honed is the perfect approach. I can imagine how challenging it must be, though.

    I’m sure it’s totally unacceptable by today’s standards, but the first time I used a “dirty word”, I had to hold a bar of soap in my mouth for what felt like an eternity. I learned my lesson real quick, and I can still taste the Irish Springs when I recall the memory 32 years later. No more dirty words out of my mouth after that LOL!! 🤣🤣

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Oh, Erin, if I could shove a soap and a muzzle in his mouth sometimes, I would. 😆🤣 But it’s a probably a good thing it’s frowned upon now.

      Jokes aside, he has so many strengths and I know some of the challenges can be shaped into strengths with the right supports and also maturity over time. 🙏

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

      1. Yes, absolutely! T is going to do great things, with just a little guidance from his dads. 🙏

        I’ve mentioned before that my brother was a rambunctious kids (likely ADD). He could never sit still, stay quiet, or keep is hands (or teeth) to himself. I think structure and stillness expected within the traditional educational system is a real challenge for the firecracker kids, so I the extracurricular activities are important… hiking, new places, maybe a sport, hobbies, and anything that allows their little bodies and minds to keep running ahead. You’re doing all the right things, Ab, and you’re learning all the lessons that T has brought into your lives. Lots of lessons…. 😆🤣

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply