As the gatekeeper to what enters your life, how do you set boundaries?
I reflected on this after I read this Facebook post about the difference between boundaries and rules on the fantastic FASD advocacy page Our Sacred Breath.
As a busy working special needs parent, I’ve learned the importance of setting boundaries with family, friends and work.
My Online Therapy states that setting boundaries means creating limits with other people to help make your relationships healthier.
For me, setting boundaries is about valuing your wellbeing by not overextending the finite time and energy in your life.
Viewing this as a parent, it is about maximizing what I have to give of myself to T by minimizing things that take away from my finite capacity.
I don’t say yes to everything asked by family, I avoid “toxic friendships” and I strive to maintain a work-life separation. These are some healthy boundaries I’ve set.
The aforementioned Facebook post also made me reflect about the boundaries I set with T.
I’ve written many times about how his behaviour can be challenging.
This post was a good reminder about the difference between boundaries and rules.
As stated on the above image, citing Dr Nicole Buerkens, boundaries are about what you will do, not what your child will do. A boundary is something that you have control over.
As noted on the image below, boundaries let kids know exactly what we will and won’t tolerate and how we will handle things.
This is solid advice that reinforces areas where we already do this and it reminds me of where the hubby and I can do better.
The hubby and I want to minimize our frustrating moments and maintain our capacity to do better for T. So it improves everyone’s wellbeing.
It’s easier in writing than in practice, of course, but it is important to keep trying!