Every Mothers Day, T’s teachers create crafts with the kids to take home to their moms. As T has two dads, the hubby and I alternate giving the craft to our moms every year.
We know about T’s birth mother and it is a story we are prepared to share with T when he asks us about her one day.
All I will say is that it is a sad story and one that is not uncommon when it comes to children that are adopted.
When Mothers Day rolls around each year, I think about T’s mother. This year, I especially think about how she is coping during these challenging times. And I wish her well.
We do not know each other nor do we communicate. We do send her pictures of T through social workers every year around Mothers Day and Christmas.
My feelings for T’s mom are a double-edge sword. I do not know her but I do know that it is because of her actions that T will be dealing with very hard challenges his entire life.
Specifically, T’s mother drank heavily. In T’s medical history, it is reported she claims to have drank for only the first three months because she did not know she was pregnant. She also reported using heavy drugs like crystal meth throughout her pregnancy.
It is because of T’s medical history that he was given a prognosis of at-risk Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder at age 1.5 and it has haunted our family for the last four years as we await for him to be old enough to be formally diagnosed while we observe tell-tale behavioral signs emerge the last few years.
It is so easy to blame the birth mother but I do not want to, as angry as I feel at times about how avoidable FASD is. I believe that most people do not intentionally set out to harm their child.
If I were ever to have a face-to-face conversation with T’s birth mother one day, I‘d say thank you.
Thank you for giving life to our beautiful, sweet little boy. He is the centre of our family. For all the challenges and tears we face as his parents, we can’t imagine life without him.
I‘d say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that she had a very difficult life and that she continues to have a difficult life.
I’d tell her that the hubby and I will do everything we can to ensure T has a good life and to avoid a similar journey as hers.
And lastly, I’d tell her that T is a happy, caring, funny, energetic and bright child who wakes up every day like it’s a blank slate and gives life his hardest try.
Because every mother, every parent, no matter how lost they are in the world, wants the peace of mind knowing their child is doing well.
And we are so thankful that, despite some of his ongoing and most likely lifelong challenges, T is doing well.
“ And lastly, I’d tell her that T is a happy, caring, funny, energetic and bright child who wakes up every day like it’s a blank slate and gives life his hardest try.” Truly the best Mother’s gift knowing her Son is greatly loved and that her Son is growing full of love, light and joy to everyone around him. You are an amazing Parent Ab. Reading your post is an inspiration, always. Thanks.
Thank you. 😊 It’s been two years since I wrote this and it was nice to revisit it. Lots have happened since but the general sentiments still apply today. 🙏
“ And lastly, I’d tell her that T is a happy, caring, funny, energetic and bright child who wakes up every day like it’s a blank slate and gives life his hardest try.” A precious, generous, kind, loving, beautiful tribute to T’s mom on Mothers Day from an amazing Parent to T. Thank you for the inspiration.
This is the first I read this and I admire the thoughtful, non judgmental and caring person you are! T is right where he is supposed to be!
Thanks Diane. I can definitely be thoughtless and judgmental. 🙂 But in this case, I certainly don’t blame her for what happened while she was pregnant. She too has had a very rough life and is also intellectually disabled and did not grow up in a loving home. Very sad if you actually think about it. I hope we can do better for T’s outcome!